


Spectrum

by CasketCase



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, M/M, Romance, Slow Burn, Soul Mate AU, additional tags to be added as i go, i haven't written fanfic in years, makoharu and sourin are main pairings, rinharu are bros, soumako are bros, what is this even
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-25
Updated: 2018-04-18
Packaged: 2018-05-23 06:08:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 35,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6107482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CasketCase/pseuds/CasketCase
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For as long as Makoto could remember, he’d been able to see colour too. Shades of blue and green surrounded him from his earliest memories and for the longest time Makoto thought that was normal. Until his mother recounted how she had met his father and explained how the entire rainbow was so magnificent. The story itself was romantic and cheesy and made Makoto smile because this was his parents’ story and they’ve had such a happy marriage and life together.</p>
<p>But it also brought the startling realization that no this wasn’t normal. Only seeing two colours was not how the soulmate system worked. People were meant to see every colour when they met their soulmate, not just two.</p>
<p>So at the age of eight years old, Makoto came to devastating reality that while Haru may be his soulmate, he may not be Haru’s. </p>
<p>Because at eight years old, Haruka Nanase could not see a trace of colour.</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>AKA; Makoto wants to know what having and being a soulmate really means.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

In a world where you’re born seeing no colour everyone grows to appreciate its beauty once they do. Majority of the population of the world has a soulmate. No one has any clue how soulmates came to be or why it happens but everyone has come to accept that they have a soulmate. There are cases where one doesn’t meet their “other half” after all the world is a big place, but usually everyone meets their soulmate eventually. And of course no one is forced to pursue their soulmate romantically, but it usually happens that way. After all that’s what a “soulmate” is, aren’t they?

They are the one person to bring colour to your entire world. That’s how it works. You see them and the world that was once a mix of black, white, and grey is now filled with so many colours it leaves you breathless.

Makoto often wondered how it felt to meet your other half who’s meant to complete you. He often overheard adults conversing on how it felt when they met their soulmates. School was similar, the girls in his class often gossiped about such things.

Reaching out, he leaned down to pick up a towel that was left on the ground. Earlier he had volunteered to help Coach Sasabe with picking up the stray towels that were strewn around because of swim club practice. It was an unspoken rule that if someone were to bring a towel they bring one with a design or pattern to differentiate it from the swim club’s plain towels.

Usually kids at his age haven’t met their soulmates yet, so colour was just a dream to them.

It was a different case for him. He clutched the blue towel in his hand and carefully folded it before adding it to the growing stack.

He moved around the room already on his way to pick up another towel. There was one near the corner of the room. It was coloured white.

“Wahhh…! Haru-chan’s so cool! It’s like he belongs in the water.”

“Heh. That’s Haru for you!!”

Breaking out of his reverie, Makoto looked over to see his best friend swimming gracefully in the pool. Smiling brightly as he watched his best friend for a moment, Makoto was infinitely happy that Haruka had decided to join the swim club with him. Haru easily became comfortable in the water and he swam so gracefully right off the bat. He was a true genius in a sense because of all the talent he had.

Nagisa’s statement wasn’t too far off either. Haru really did look like he belonged in the water. 

Makoto broke off from watching them when he remembered the task he had to do. He looked down at the towel and his stomach lurched. Quickly folding it, he hurried off to find another towel.

There was a green one on the bench. Makoto’s grip tightened.

“How does it feel to see colour Rin-chan?” Nagisa’s voice floated over to him.

“How to describe it…”

_It’s wonderful. You can’t imagine what it’s like to be able to see colour. To go from such a dull, boring world to something so intensely beautiful. The blacks and white don’t go away, but they look so in place amongst the colours. It’s like being deprived of something you never even had until that moment._

_It’s absolutely amazing._

“-It’s like that Nagisa! Isn’t it romantic?”

“Woooowww! You and Haru-chan are so lucky to be able to see colours!”

Makoto’s grip on the towel tightened.

That’s right. Haruka and Rin could see colours, after all they were soulmates weren’t they? 

Rin had entered their lives half a year ago and along with him brought the rainbow into his best friend’s world. Makoto was happy for Haruka of course. He had found his soulmate and Makoto himself found a new friend.

But that didn’t mean it was easy for Makoto to cope with the feeling of loss on his part. Even though Makoto knew this moment was going to happen since he had been eight years old.

For as long as Makoto could remember, he’d been able to see colour too. Shades of blue and green surrounded him from his earliest memories and for the longest time Makoto thought that was normal. Until his mother recounted how she had met his father and explained how the entire rainbow was so magnificent. The story itself was romantic and cheesy and made Makoto smile because this was his parents’ story and they’ve had such a happy marriage and life together.

But it also brought the startling realization that no this wasn’t normal. Only seeing two colours was not how the soulmate system worked. People were meant to see every colour when they met their soulmate, not just two.

So at the age of eight years old, Makoto came to devastating reality that while Haru may be his soulmate, he may not be Haru’s. 

Because at eight years old, Haruka Nanase could not see a trace of colour.

Atleast until Rin came along.

So Makoto kept this a secret, something to take along with him for the rest of his life. It usually didn’t bother Makoto so much, after all his worries were so small compared to other things happening and he didn’t want to bother anyone with it.

But it was a struggle every day to see the world around you in only partial colours. It made him wonder what was wrong with him? What did he do bad enough that he was only given the ability to see just two colours.

Everywhere he looked, he could see speckles of green and blue. From the clear skies and oceans to the spring grass and flowers.  
Even here at the swim cub. The walls were decorated with designs of a blue ocean and some green fish. There were blue and green floaties on one of the benches across the room. The tiles under his feet were green.

But everywhere else he looked it was black, white, and grey.

Ignoring the lurch in his stomach and the tightness in his chest, he folded the last towel and scampered out of the room.

He made his way to the front carefully trying not to trip over his feet or anything else that could cause him to fall. He was to meet Coach Sasabe so they could put the stuff away.

“Coach…!” Makoto called out with no answer in return. He made his way into his office, wondering if maybe the older man was in there. No such luck. Makoto figured that Coach  
Sasabe probably got busy along the way and decided to wait for him in his office.

Makoto tried to not let his negative thoughts consume him. He didn’t want it to be one of those days that became unbearable. One of those days where Makoto had to do everything and anything to distract himself from thinking about it. Because if it became one of those days, Makoto would struggle leaving his room. Would struggle being outside. Would struggle being around Haru and that was the last thing he ever wanted to happen.

The sound of doors opening alerted Makoto to a new presence and he went out to greet the newcomer. He paused first to make sure the stack of towels he set down wouldn’t topple over.

“Hello! Welcome to Iwa-“

The ground beneath his feet shifted and Makoto found himself on the ground unable to breath. All the air was sucked out of him violently, leaving only a tight, burning, suffocating feeling in his lungs as well as a throbbing pain in his head.

He felt the ground under him swaying as Makoto tried to regain his senses. He sucked in a breath as he was helped up. His mind whirling and his chest tight.

“Oi, what happened here?!” They sounded far away and it took a moment for Makoto to place that deep, grumbling voice as that of Coach Sasabe.

Makoto could only shrug helplessly as his balance came back to him slowly. He looked around trying to gain a sense of everything.

The entire world looked off and Makoto furrowed his brows in delirious confusion.

“Makoto? You okay?”

“I….” Makoto looked back at the other boy. It seemed Coach Sasabe helped them both up and the new comer looked equally as confused about everything as he felt.

“You…” The other called out weakly. Makoto forced himself to focus and when he did, he felt the entire world shift once more.

Blue-no teal eyes and short dark hair. The other’s boy expression was agape, most likely reflecting his.

Makoto realized quickly why the entire world suddenly looked off to him.

_“Colours…!”_ Makoto breathed.


	2. Superman (It's Not Easy)

Makoto walked nervously next to the other boy-whose named he learned earlier was Yamazaki Sousuke. Coach Sasabe quickly learning what had just happened congratulated the two and told him that he could leave swim club. Makoto quickly understood that the Coach was giving him an opportunity to get to know his soulmate better.

He nodded and went to go get changed, but only after he made Coach Sasabe promise not to tell anyone that this had happened. Makoto made the excuse that he wanted to tell everyone in person so this event should be kept on the down-low for the moment. The older man seemed to understand and promised to keep it a secret.

Makoto changed quickly-he hadn’t wanted to keep his soulmate waiting.

In his haste, he had completely forgotten to tell Haru that he’d be leaving early. Makoto mentally grimaced as Haru would probably be looking for him later to get answers. Answers Makoto truthfully didn’t want to share just yet.

He spared a glance at the other boy-Yamazaki- to see how he was taking everything. But the other boy’s face was kept pretty neutral as he stared forward. Makoto wasn’t even sure where they were headed.

“Uhm…” Makoto looked around, absorbing everything new. It was one thing to see two colours, but now that he could see the entire spectrum of the rainbow. It left him a little breathless.

_So this was what the world really looked like…!_

“It’s pretty.”

“Huh?” His head whipped around so fast, Makoto winced at the sudden kink in his neck. Sousuke was looking forward, his eyebrows raised.

“I just said it was pretty.” He replied nonchalantly. Makoto nodded, before remembering to blurt out a vocal agreement.

“It is! I think it’s beautiful!” Makoto fiddled with the hem of his shirt. He did think it was gorgeous, but aside from blue and green he didn’t know the names of any of the other colours. The school systems didn’t teach about what the colours looked like or what they were called after all no one could really pinpoint when you’d meet your soulmate and it was hard to describe and explain colours to people who were colour blind. There were independent classes though. They went along side with regular classes, but weren’t mandatory to take. It was for those who found their soulmates and wanted a bit of explaining for their newfound sight. Class sizes varied but were open to everyone.

Makoto wondered if they’d take two twelve year olds.

“Tachibana,” Makoto looked back startled. Sousuke looked back at him conflicted, “I… I’m sorry for earlier. I didn’t think when people mentioned a ‘rush’, it’d be anything like that.” Yamazaki was referring to earlier when their meeting literally knocked the both of them off their feet.

“The Rush”, as some people called it, was the intensity of meeting your soulmate. Some said it was like getting punched in the face, while others compared it to a boat rocking on rough seas. It didn’t happen to every soulmate pair and there was no real significance behind it-it wasn’t as if The Rush defined how great your connection was. After all, a soulmate was a soulmate. But Makoto could greatly understand the moniker now considering the rush he and Yamazaki experienced left them breathless and dizzy for a good ten minutes before they were able to get their senses back in place.

“No, no-I mean, after all it’s not like you asked for it to happen. It just did, and I guess since I’m… you-know I’m equally at fault.” Makoto quickly reasoned, trying to placate the situation. He didn’t want Yamazaki to feel guilty over it after all he was Makoto’s “other half” and it just wouldn’t be fair to him if Yamazaki took all the blame.

Not to mention, it was just in his nature to baby everyone. Even Makoto could admit that-reluctantly.

“Yeah… This is going to take some getting used to.”

Makoto nodded nervously. His heart thrummed. Everything was new to him, the world, Yamazaki, being in a “pair”. He was thrust into this situation in such an abrupt and uncalled for moment, the brunette needed a moment or two to adjust.

Not to mention, he would have to get to know Yamazaki. They were strangers at this point-it wasn’t like Makoto to rush head-on into things. That was more Nagisa’s modus operandi. But it’s not like Makoto would avoid it either, Yamazaki seemed like a nice guy and if things didn’t move forward romantically atleast Makoto could say that they were friends.

The two of them ended up in the local library. A way’s away from the swim club and the opposite direction of his house. There was no doubt in his head that Makoto wouldn’t accidentally run into Haru here-or anyone else he knew for that matter.

He wasn’t lying when he said he wanted to be the one to tell the others.

Makoto just wasn’t sure if he was ready to do it just yet.

Smiling at the librarian, Makoto made his way around to a table secluded from everyone else and away from prying eyes. Just in case. Yamazaki took it upon himself to find a couple books to look into as he seemed to understand why they were here.

The other boy laid the books on the table and each of them grabbed one to peruse. They flipped pages idly. Makoto took this silence to really look at his “other half.”

Short, raven coloured hair on a body similar to his own. Makoto was quite large for his age and was already expecting another growth spurt soon. Makoto towered over majority of his class. Yamazaki was probably just as tall as he was. Aside from that, Yamazaki had this intense aura about him.

Makoto couldn’t put his finger to it. He figured he’d most likely figure it out later on.

“Y-You know… you can call me Makoto,” A nervous chuckle and anxious smile to match. Yamazaki looked at him and nodded, “Sousuke.” He brightened up, feeling some tension ease out of him. First names. First names meant they were comfortable with eachother. In this case, it was Yamazaki-Sousuke’s way of saying he was trying too.

“I’m… not that talkative to be quite honest.” Sousuke looked abashed. “But I don’t want this to be something unpleasant for both of us.” Makoto nodded, smiling. Even if Sousuke wasn't comfortable talking it wasn't a new feeling. Haru was the same. Silent, but strong. He didn't need a lot of words his actions spoke for himself.

The thought of Haru made Makoto's chest hurt. Makoto didn't like the idea of keeping secrets from Haruka. It made Makoto feel as if he couldn't trust his best friend-which was the farthest thing from the truth. But Makoto wanted to find this out on his own.

Haru and Rin had found their own dynamic-their own rhythm- after they discovered eachother as soulmates. Haru had found that out all by himself without Makoto's help. Makoto wanted to do the same. He wanted his own dynamic with Sousuke. He wanted to learn this all by himself without troubling anyone else.

Makoto wanted to know what it really meant to have a soulate.

What did it mean for him to be able to see colour before meeting Sousuke. What did it mean for him to be able to see the entire spectrum when he did meet Sousuke.

“Makoto?”

The brunette blinked and returned his attention back to the other boy sitting across from him.

Sousuke looked at him with a concerned look. “You okay?”

Makoto smiled. “I'm fine, I was just thinking.”

~(*)~

In the end, both he and Sousuke had to leave the library once the evening had started to show itself. Makoto took it upon himself to call his mom and tell her that'd be a little late because he had gotten caught up in something. His mother expressed concern, but Makoto reassured her that he was just hanging out with a new friend. That seemed to placate his mother a bit, before she mentioned that Haru had come by earlier looking for him.

Makoto had felt himself clam up and he excused himself, explaining to his mom that he had forgotten to tell Haru that he'd be going home early. It was his fault and that he'd apologize to Haru tomorrow. His mom feeling satisfied with his response told him that she expected him back soon before it got too late. He promised and hung up.

“Your mom seems nice,” Sousuke commented as they walked in the direction of the train station. It was on the way to his house-Sousuke lived in another town not far from Iwatobi- so it wasn't as if going there was too out of the way.

“Mmm! She is! The best.” Makoto beamed. He loved his mom dearly, he couldn't ever imagine having anyone else as his mom.

Sousuke remained silent, sending a side glance before pressing forward, “You paused once there. You looked scared.”

Makoto clutched the straps to his backpack uneasily. He didn't know where to start-if he wanted to. Mentally shaking his head, he resolved to share a bit with Sousuke. They were soulmates after all, it was natural to get to know eachother right? No secrets?

“Ah, she just mentioned a friend of mine. I forgot to tell him that I was leaving-it slipped my mind honestly! I was helping Coach Sasabe with the towels, then you came and-” Makoto cut himself off realizing his was blabbering. It was a nervous habit he had.

Sousuke gave him a knowing look, “Ah. I get it. Things were hectic, it was the farthest thing from your mind.”

“Yeah,” Makoto looked guilty, “It's not like I meant to do it on purpose…. But he's probably going to want to know why I disappeared.” His best friend was extremely strong willed and if he was determined he'd found out some way. Makoto being Makoto just didn't want to share it just yet.

“And you don't want to tell him?” Sousuke stopped staring at his soulmate. His look unreadable. Makoto nodded, his eyes shut tightly. Was that bad? Was he a bad friend? It's not like he didn't want to tell Haruka, he just wasn't ready yet. Not when it felt too soon.

“Alright.”

Sousuke's answer rang in Makoto's head before he realized what Sousuke actually said. Makoto looked up.

“I said it's alright… I mean, you have your reasons right?” Sousuke kicked a pebble away, staring at the ground. “You're not ready.”

“N-No! I'm not-It's just everything's happening all at once-” Makoto stammered out quickly. Sousuke shook his head a light smile on his face.

“I wanna be able to call you my soulmate too when I tell everyone.”

Makoto froze. Sousuke decided to continue.

“You don't want a half-assed declaration right? If you're going to tell someone you met your soulmate, you want to be able to believe they are your soulmate.” The ebony haired boy raised a brow, urging Makoto to answer. He nodded dumbly.

“Y-Yeah…! That's it.”

Sousuke chuckled and shook his head, “That's such a romantic thing to think.” The reference reminded Makoto of Rin. Rin usually went on about how romantic things were. Very reminiscent. Still he smiled happy that Sousuke understood what he was trying to get at.

“You tell me when you're ready to tell people about us. I won't say anything until then.”

Makoto gaped resembling a fish. “Y-You meant that?”

“Yeah. This has to be a mutual thing,” Sousuke lifted a hand rubbing the back of his neck, “I'm a little with you. This is going to be something I need to get used to too and I don't want to do anything you're not ready to do. We're…. We're in this together?”

Makoto stared before breaking out in a wide grin, “Yeah. Together, Sousuke. Thank you! I-I won't let you down.”

The boy smiled back at him and Makoto felt lighter. He felt they'd be okay.

~(*)~

“You left yesterday.”

Haru's stare pinned him to his spot as Makoto shifted nervously in front of the door. Waking up to go to school, Makoto left earlier than usual to go and apologize to Haru.

His mom was curious as to who he'd hung out with the night before but didn't press him when Makoto explained he'd made a new friend and wanted to get to him better. She handed him two bentos, one for himself and Haruka. “To butter him up.” She smiled and Makoto laughed.

“Sorry Haru, I had to go do something after swim club. I was in such a rush I forgot to mention it.” He bowed his head, feeling shame bubble in himself.

Glancing up he met Haru's sharp gaze penetrating him for answer.

_You could've told me. I got worried._

_Sorry, sorry. I'll be sure to tell you next time._

He could see Haru wanting more, wanting answers to his questions. But Makoto couldn't tell him he met his soulmate. Not when he still didn't feel like a soulmate. When he didn't know what a soulmate was.

Haruka walked past him and Makoto scrambled to follow after him.

“Haru?!”

“We'll be late Makoto.” Haruka looked over his shoulder and Makoto felt relief flood in him when he saw his calm gaze. Forgiven. He was forgiven. Walking next to him, Makoto let himself smile. Haruka walked next to him, the distance short and comfortable as always. Looking beyond his best friend Makoto could see the ocean stretch beyond the horizon, blending in with the blue sky.

Blue. So much blue that matched Haru's eyes.

If someone ever asked Makoto who had the prettiest eyes, he'd probably blurt out “Haru!” for an answer before becoming flustered and trying to brush over it. But that was his honest feelings because Haru really did have the prettiest eyes. He'd once heard a saying that “eyes were the window to someone's soul” and firmly believed that applied to Haru.

Because no matter how inexpressive Haru could be outwardly, if you looked into his eyes one could easily see how he felt about something.

Makoto filled the silence with small talk recounting things that happened to him once he had gotten home.

He played with the twins. He tried to help his mom with dinner but that didn't end so well-luckily he was only in charge of cutting the vegetables. Homework for math had been hard but his dad helped him through it.

Never the slight mention of what happened after swim club.

“Oi! Makoto there you are!” A voice broke through his chatter. Makoto turned to see a familiar face waiting for them at the front gates.

It was the same-all of it was the same. Same face, same hair, same toothy grin. Except it all wasn't because now Makoto could truly see Rin for Rin.

Red. So much red. That was the colour's name wasn't it? But it suited him, Makoto thought dumbly as they came closer. Like passion, like fire. Rin was like fire.

“Rin!” He put a smile to his face, heart beating fast as the rush of colours came at him once more. He still wasn't use to it. Seeing all the colours-he didn't even know all the shades yet. But it was exhilarating seeing the world this way.

Was this how Haruka felt when he finally saw the world as it was?

“You disappeared on us yesterday. You shouldn't seen Haru when he realized you were gone.” Rin sent a smirk towards the ravenette who was sending him an unamused scowl. Makoto blinked and looked towards him, Haru avoided his gaze.

“Sorry! I had something to do,” Makoto scratched the back of his neck, sheepish. Rin slapped him on the back.

“It's okay! You aren't disappearing on us again today are you?” Haru turned back to look at them.

He wasn't sure how to respond.

No? He and Sousuke hadn't agreed to meet again after school-they had agreed to meet up on the weekend though. Sousuke saying that it'd give them the entire day to get to know eachother and look up stuff.

But at the same time, yes because Makoto was hoping to go back to the library and get accustomed to things. He was thinking of looking into the classes for newly found soulmates but he'd have to ask Sousuke if he was alright with it. After all you were meant to take those classes in pairs as they had exercises to get to know your soulmates better.

“No,” He found himself saying, “I don't have to do anything today.” Makoto found himself meeting Haruka's stare, the blue eyed boy looking for any trace of doubt or weakness. He smiled to reassure him that there really was nothing.

Rin smiled brighter, cheering and going on about finally getting to practice for the relay that he'd wanted them to participate in. Makoto and Haruka followed him to the classroom half-listening.

There were banners and posters hung up in the classroom and he found himself looking at all of them, staring at the explosions of colours on the papers.

It was their painting project from last week and the teacher had finally gotten around to hanging them up. The assignment was to just go with the flow and do what you felt was best. She'd given them paints, crayons, markers, and pencils to use for them. Everyone had gone crazy, not a single care they couldn't see colour, because it just meant it was a free day from assignments.

Rin and Haru had made it a competition-well Rin mostly, Haru had gone with the flow. Makoto went at his own pace. He'd drawn flowers, albeit they didn't really look like flowers because at the time he remembered that flowers came in all sorts of colours and felt that even if he couldn't see the entire spectrum, it was an assignment he wouldn't fail too badly.

Yellow, red, and blue flowers with green leaves and stems.

_I can see colours now, Haruka. All of them._

Makoto turned away from his own poster and went to his seat unloading his things for school. He didn't notice Rin watching him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the first real chapter, it's pretty light hearted! I'm hoping to add more length once the real story picks up but I need a couple chapters to get things established. I'm hoping to update every week or at the very least every other week. Thank you for all the lovely comments and kudos from the last chapter! It really made my day to know that people were interested! Feedback is always welcomed and if any of you want to talk to me about free or this fic to shoot through some ideas, my tumblr is down below. If you notice any mistakes, please let me know! Thanks for reading and have a wonderful day!
> 
> http://lazymatsu.tumblr.com/


	3. Masterpiece Theater I

“So why were you at the swim club that day?” Makoto asked looking at Sousuke from over the book he's reading “Colours and You”. Sousuke looks up at him from his own book, “Your New World and Colour”, blinking.

“Uh.”

Makoto waits patiently flipping to the next page. He's entered the yellow and orange hues of the spectrum and he's reminded of Nagisa who was a splash of colour once when he went to the swim club earlier that week.

Yellow-blonde-hair and fuchsia eyes with an equally bright personality and smile, he was pleasantly surprised at how much colour the younger exuded, despite having been new to the spectrum. He'd also interrogated him when they saw eachother, the blond managing to get more answers than Rin and Haru had, but only by a smidgen.

“I was going to visit a friend.”

Makoto perked up. “Do you want to see them again later?”

“Nah,” Sousuke shook his head, “It'd be complicated to explain, especially if we ended up falling flat on our faces again.” He flipped the page of his book, Makoto nodding mutely.

They were still prone to getting The Rush, which was normal for couples who experienced it. The first couple of weeks, they'd have to go through the motions until it settled. It comes with seeing the colours, some are more sensitive than others, the experts would say.

Himself he could understand, he'd always been something of a softer soul. Sousuke didn't really look like the type of person to be sensitive but how the soulmate system worked affected everyone differently.

“You're sure?” Makoto asked once more, feeling bad that Sousuke couldn't see his friend because of his need to keep this entire ordeal a secret.

“Yeah,” Sousuke picked up another book, “I wouldn't even know what to say to them.”

~(*)~

“Haru what do you think the answer to this question is?” Biting his pencil, Makoto stared confused at the math problem in front of him. Despite his new sight, it still didn't help him understand geometry.

“Makoto you added wrong.”

Makoto blinked and looked back at his work. With a yelp, he began to erase his work, redoing the problem.

“Ah thank you Haru! Are you finished already?” The ravenette shrugged. A quick glance to his friend's work saw that while Haru hadn't finished it, the answers were probably correct, so Makoto couldn't lecture him too badly. Especially considering how badly himself was struggling with the subject.

“Rin said you were staring at the posters in class.”

The brunette looked up meeting his friend's eyes waiting with bated breath.

“He said you looked sad,” Haru frowned.

_I wasn't sad. Not really._

“I wasn't sad,” Makoto reassured.

_It was more of a cross-roads. How could I tell you Haru that you made the prettiest ocean and animals out of the entire class. Not because you have such skill with art but because you used the colours so well._

“I was just thinking that mine looks so bad compared to your guys.” He smiled sheepishly.

_How could I tell you that I went with flowers not because they were easy but because it was so I couldn't get them wrong. Green. Green. Green. Such beautiful flowers are the ones we pass on the ones to class. Their leaves and vines so bright and enticing._

“Rin and his shark was really cool, and of course you had to draw water. I'm just not good with details like that,” He rubbed his eraser against the table.

_I could only see two colours before, now I can see all of them but it feels like my emotions have gotten worse. Am I a bad soulmate, Haru? Am I not good enough? Is that why I could only see two colours before?_

Makoto kept the smile on his face as Haru scrutinized him. A moment passed before Haru's gaze softened and shook his head, “Stupid Makoto. No one cares if you can't draw.”

“Haru!” He let out a whine. His best friend laid his head on the table, a small smile on his face. Makoto smiled back.

“I'll get better, you watch. I'll make an even better poster.” Makoto closed his textbook and reachedfor the game console turning it on. He could hear Haru hum in agreement. He grabbed the controllers, one black and one white, handing one to Haru as he searched for a game.

“We bought a new game yesterday, I think you'll like it.” He held up one with a fish on the cover. Interest piqued Haru moved away from the study table to get closer.

“Ocean Crossing?”

“Mm!”

~(*)~

“Hey Mako-chan what color are you most excited to see?”

Makoto paused from pulling his shirt over his head turning to look at the blond eyed boy with confusion. Nagisa stared at him eyes bright patiently waiting for his answer.

“Mmmmm let me think.” The brunette tilted his head, pretending to think it over.

“I really want to see yellow!” Makoto kept silent as he continued to undress. Nagisa went on, “Mom always says that I'm really bright! Bright like the sun and that she gets so happy when she sees me.”

The elder smiled and nodded used to this type of behavior from his younger siblings. Sure they were only just toddlers now but they could talk-babble-your ears off when they wanted to. Makoto still wasn't sure what they were saying half the time, luckily his mom always filled in the blanks. She was very perceptive to what they were saying.

“Did you decide on an answer??”

He thought about the world as he saw it now. Vibrant, full of life. Tones, shades, and hues that melded together perfectly, but he also thought about the world before.

How from a young age he'd grown to love and admire the blues and greens that surrounded him. Even the smallest of specks of colour, surrounded by blacks, whites, and greys of his world then. The rare moments where he saw no color at all, just those colourless hues that adults always told children would change once they met their soulmate.

His mind flashed to a pair of eyes. The bluest eyes he'd ever encountered-will ever encounter. How he'd grown to adore them because they went so perfectly with the green of his own eyes. Even if it was difficult at times, those eyes would always let a person know how they were feeling. The way they'd sparkle so brightly when something piqued their interest, how brightly their excitement showed. The times they'd dull from disappointment, or would look away in doubt or embarrassment.

Moments, how as guilty it made him feel afterwards, where he wished he'd never seen them because he wouldn't have those thoughts of self-doubt, confusion, loathing, because all the how's and why's would escape him.

“I don't know Nagisa,” Makoto smiled as they walked out of the dressing room, Haru and Rin already in the water. “I like to think I'd be excited to see all of them.”

~(*)~

“How's your soulmate doing Makoto?”

The question startled him causing him to stumble. He turned to see Coach Sasabe hovering nearby, a smile on his face.

It was an easy question-meant to be an easy question. Coach Sasabe probably expected Makoto to bubble over with answers, emotions. Happiness, maybe confusion, shyness. Usual reactions to meeting a soulmate because that's what the world expected out of you right?

Meeting your soulmate was something magical, even if you weren't going to be together romantically, this person would change your life. They'll understand you. Balance you. Make your life better.

He wasn't too sure about it all yet. Makoto hadn't known Sousuke all that long, they were still getting to know eachother. He wouldn't lie and say it made his life better. Sousuke made his life more colourful, and that's a fact, but what was better?

_Seeing the world for what it is, how it is. That's magical. That's wonderful. But why? But how? What if you don't fit that mold? He didn't fit that mold. So did that make him weird? Special?_

Makoto glanced around, looking for anyone who may have overheard. He still hadn't told a soul, he wasn't sure if Sousuke told anyone either. The thought of someone finding out made his chest tighten with fear. How would answer them? He was a terrible liar and if Haru found out, he'd immediately sense something was wrong.

Makoto did _not_ want Haru to ask him questions about his soulmate.

“It's going good. We see eachother on the weekends.”

The days where they escaped to the library. Sometimes they wouldn't even read books, sometimes they'd just talk. Small things here and there, learning their pace, what was comfortable to be said and what wasn't. It wasn't unpleasant, Makoto was used to silence, but it was a ways away from being comfortable.

They'd set up a system to see eachother whenever the weekend hit. If they couldn't, they'd send a call or a text saying something came up and they'd try again next week.

Only twice have they missed their meet ups.

One weekend Sousuke texted saying he had plans.

Another weekend Makoto called saying he had to babysit the twins. Haru came over and helped him.

“We get along, we're,” He paused trying to find the words. _Acquaintances? Friends? Miles and miles away from anything intimate beyond those words._ “We're finding ourselves.”

Coach Sasabe nodded, the smile growing. Makoto didn't know if the coach could see colours.

“Good! It's always good when soulmates get along. How's your heads?”

Reaching up to rub the back of his skull, Makoto wanted to say his face hurt more than his head. There were still moments where Sousuke and he would look at eachother and suddenly find themselves flat on their faces practically suffocating.

“Oh-uh… It's… better?”

The Rush wasn't as frequent which meant they were adjusting, but it'd never go away either. They were accounts of pairs who'd been together for twenty years and suddenly they'd look at eachother and wham!

The librarian knew from of their rounds one day. They were shelving books when they had stumbled upon the two boys gasping for breath. Makoto and Sousuke had been tended to (and congratulated) and for the rest of that day, the librarian would pass ever so often just to make sure they were okay.

“We don't really have a control on it yet, but it's not as bad.” Makoto continued, hoping the answer would suffice.

His coach continued nodding on. “Your family must be happy.” Makoto stiffened.

They didn't know.

Makoto hadn't told them.

He felt-dare he say it-ashamed to say he'd found his soulmate. If Makoto brought it up, no doubt they would want to meet him. His parents wouldn't interrogate them, they'd be happy and wish the best no matter what they decided. Maybe they'd have the “color” talk which his parents had been hinting at more now that he was getting older.

Nothing dramatic, but it'd definitely put him in an uncomfortable spot. He didn't need the colour talk. He didn't want to hear about how colours were “special”, how their bond was “special”. Makoto didn't want any of that, not if only brought out more negativity in him. Not if it only brought out more questions he'd never get answers to.

Even more so, Haru would find out and Makoto didn't want to face him about it.

Would Haru be upset? Happy? Maybe he'd congratulate me. _Wouldn't that be something,_ Makoto thought wistfully.

“Un!” He smiled the same as always. He was a terrible liar, but he could fake it till he made it. It wasn't a talent he was particularly proud of, but Makoto had learned to find ways to avoid certain topics or lead the conversation to a different direction.

Makoto had learned to move attention away from himself.

“My parents always talked about how exciting it'd be to meet my soulmate.” When they find out. “They want to make a cake, hold a small party.” They won't be able to plan it for years. “They keep telling me it'll be special.”

Is it? Is it really?

Coach Sasabe laughed, talking about how his parents had done something similar. His father making a big spectacle of how he'd met his mother. Makoto continued to smile.

“Makoto! There you are.”

He turned to see Rin, Nagisa, and Haru coming out of the hallway, dressed and ready to go home.

Makoto wondered if they'd heard. He hoped not. Discreetly, he sent Coach Sasabe a look. Fortune favoured him that day as the older man seemed to understand instantly. He sobered up, “Thanks for helping me with the towels, Makoto. Walk home safely. See you four next week!”

The brunette nodded, heart thumping as he followed his friends out the door. Makoto stood next to Haruka, half-listening to the conversation around him.

_Did they hear? Why do you feel so bad if they did? They'd have to learn eventually._

Not yet though. He didn't want them to know. It wasn't their place to know-not until he knew, felt like he knew. Knew what? He didn't know. Just until he knew.

“Tch. We used to hang out all the time. Now I barely get to see him.” Rin grumbled as Makoto tuned in.

“School sucks Rin-chan! Maybe he's studying for exams!”

Makoto wondered who they were talking about.

“Maybe, but those aren't for a while,” Rin thought for a moment, “It's just weird not seeing him all the time. I'll make him hang out with me this weekend. He owes me a race.”

“I wanna meet your friend! I wanna watch!” Nagisa marched up, eyes wide and sparkling. “Don't you guys want to see too?”

“Not really.” Haru replied flatly. Makoto just smiled and tilted his head.

“You know what Haru-just for that I'm going to drag you along. I bet you two would get along swimmingly,” The redhead laughed at his own joke, “Your both dark and brooding.”

Haru scowled.

“If Haru-chan gets to come, me too!” Nagisa insisted not wanting to be left out. Rin nodded, agreeing, “Fine. Fine.”

“Mako-chan you too!” The blond turned to him.

“I'll check with my parents first, I think there's plans for me this weekend.” Sousuke wanted to go look into the classes for newly found soulmates. He said it'd be beneficial for them to get it out of the way-Makoto thought he just wanted to learn more like he did.

“You should let me talk to them, Makoto. I bet I'd convince them to let you join us.”

“You'd only scare them with your teeth Rin.” Makoto didn't miss the way Haru was side-eyeing him earlier. Rin scowled and that brought about a new argument between the two swimmers.

Still, Makoto found himself laughing along as he watched the two banter.

~(*)~

“You can't make it?”

Makoto held the phone against his ear, leaning back in his chair staring at nothing listening to Sousuke.

“Yeah, my friend wants to drag me out somewhere. Sorry.”

“That's okay,” Makoto assured, drumming his pencil against his desk, “It happens. Thanks for letting me know.”

He stared at a small cactus in his room. It was a small cactus no bigger than a few inches made of felt, so there was no danger of accidentally pricking himself. Especially with the way the twins ran around his room, it was better it was fake.

It was made of a dark, earthy coloured clothe with white plastic pins to resemble the pins. The pot itself was plastic-brown in colour- to ensure it wouldn't shatter if it fell.

Makoto often stared at it when he didn't realize. Just staring and taking note of the hues it was.

“Hey, you okay?” He snapped out of his reverie.

“Yes! Why?”

“You didn't say bye,” Makoto blinked, “Usually when you're finished talking, you say bye.”

Did he? He hadn't realized he has such a habit. It wasn't anything bad or anything special but for Sousuke to notice something like that…

“I'm just thinking.”

“About?”

He hesitated, “Are we doing the right thing, Sousuke? Not talking about it?” Makoto often wondered if what they were doing was okay. Most people would probably announce it to the world when they met their soulmate. Ecstatic, ready for the next day and the wonders to come. They weren't most people.

Sousuke was silent on the other side, and Makoto had to check if he didn't accidentally hang up on him.

“Does it matter?”

“What?” Makoto was thrown off.

“Does it matter? That were not talking about it, I mean.”

“I…. I don't know. I mean,” His tongue felt heavy, “I feel like I should want to talk about it. Everyone expects us to, you know? Share it with the world. We see it all the time.”

“Tell me about it.”

“Everywhere we look Sousuke. Colour this, colour that. Soulmate this, soulmate that. I mean it's not a bad thing if people don't date or marry their soulmate, hell even if they don't find their soulmate, but it's there. The expectation and the things that come with it. It's supposed to be special. We're supposed to be special. Soulmates and colour are special.”

Makoto knocked over his cactus. It rolled on his table. The action made him feel guilty.

“I want to feel special. I want it to feel special but when I think about it. I feel worse. Why am I hesitating? What am I scared of? We found eachother that's a good thing isn't it? We finally get to see what the world wants us to see.”

Sousuke kept silent, “Hold on.” Makoto could hear the phone being set down, a few mumbled voices in the background, then the phone being lifted again.

“I'm coming.”

“What?”

“I'm coming. To see you, I mean. The library, lets meet up there.”

Makoto glanced at the clock, “At this hour? It's probably-”

“Not to read. I told you, we're meeting up there. I want to see you, you need to see me.”

“I don't think-”

“This has been weighing on your mind hasn't it?” Makoto kept silent, “I'm coming to see you. You can let it all out then. You're not the only one who has their… doubts, Makoto.”

Right.

Sousuke had agreed to keep it a secret too hadn't he? Makoto thought it was just him going along with his whims. The thought that maybe Sousuke was feeling similar hadn't occurred to him.

Maybe he's scared too. Maybe he feels that weight of the world on his shoulders too.

“I'll meet you at the library, okay?”

“….Bye, Sousuke.”

“Bye Makoto.” He hung up. Makoto stared at his cactus before reaching out and setting it upright.

“Mom! Can I leave the house for a bit? I think I need some fresh air?”

~(*)~

The walk to the library was brisk, his steps going at an even pace. His mother had told him not to be out too late or else his friend would miss the last train. He knew better than to go against his mother's wishes, but he had the inkling that she knew he needed the reprieve.

“Sousuke!” Makoto called out seeing the silhouette of the boy in the distance. He turned in his direction, raising his hand in acknowledgment. The brunette jogged forward, eyebrows raised in question. “You wanted to see me.”

“I think you needed the air,” Sousuke shrugged, “You've lived with these thoughts for a long time huh?”

Makoto looked down hands fiddling with eachother.

A long time? Maybe. He hadn't lived that long, he wasn't even in his mid teen years! But he'd certainly lived with these thoughts for as long as he could remember. It started out wonderful, Makoto thought it was normal, he was normal. He wasn't.

Makoto often thought about telling someone, that letting someone in on his secret would give him a sense of relief, but how would that help him?

They wouldn't understand would they? They'd never been in his shoes. Makoto doubted anyone had. How would you explain to someone you saw colour before you met your soulmate? What would they say to him  to let him know that he was okay, he was alright when all the evidence infront of him proved otherwise?

He didn't want pitiful looks or meaningless explanations. Not when no one could give him the answers he needed to hear. Something that would explain why. Why him, why this.

“Not really, I don't think they've been long, but it's not something that I've been able to let go of.” It wasn't as if there was any way for him to escape it, not when wherever he looked it was right there.

“What is it?” Sousuke plopped down onto the bench infront of the library. Makoto sat down, keeping a comfortable distance away. Not too close, but not too far away.

“I don't think I could explain,” He tried to push the subject away, “It's not that easy to understand-”

“Try me.”

“Sousuke, I can't-it's hard, I don't know-”

“You can tell me you know. I mean… we're soulmates right? This, you and I. Secrets this early on won't help either of us, and if you can't rely on me who can you count on?”

Makoto thought of blue eyes, then pushed the thought away. No, as much as he wanted to, as much as he wanted to say, he knew Haru wouldn't be able to help him with his problems. With this problem.

“Why can we see colour? Do you ever wonder about that? What force it is to decide this is the person who will let you see the world. This is the person who will complete you.” Sousuke's brows furrowed as he listened.

“I've never understood it to be honest. There's no explanation as to how it works, but this is the way things have been for hundreds of years. Everyone accepts it. There's a norm, but,” Makoto bit his lip, “What is the norm? What about the things that don't fit the norm, Sousuke? How do you explain those incidents? I've been curious about it for a long time but no matter how much I think about it, I don't think I'll ever be able to get the answers I want.”

It was a reasoning Makoto had long come to accept, even if he struggled day by day with it. There'd never be an answer for him and that was okay, some things will always be left a mystery. Still, it didn't help any with his questions that grew worse and worse.

_I just want to know, that's all._

“Did…. Did something happen? To make you think that?”

Makoto kept silent, eyes on the ground, staring at his dark shoes. A pair he'd only have for a short while, he was hitting his growth spurt so all his clothes were beginning to feel tight. His mother planned to go shopping for some new clothes in a couple of weeks.

“Not really,” He confessed softly, “Nothing really happened. I just realized that there's some things I won't get an explanation for and some things happen that are out of your control.”

He could feel Sousuke's gaze on him before the ravenette looked up at the sky above them. The sky turning dark, but the stars twinkling high above them. Makoto loved star gazing. On the nights, his thoughts grew to be too much, he'd just look up and think; There's galaxies out there. Beautiful galaxies that could leave you breathless. So vast and open, your problems were so insignificant in those moments.

“I wasn't sure how to feel about seeing colour when I met you,” Sousuke mumbled, “Soulmates have always been an uneasy thing for me. I've never… I always thought it'd be someone else. Is someone else. I just wasn't good enough for them. I'm still not entirely sure how to feel about you to be honest, but you're not a bad person for having doubts. Everyone has them, and I think even if it wasn't who I thought it'd be, you're not a replacement or anything, Makoto. You're just you, I'm just me, and they're just them.”

Makoto tilted his head, listening.

“They're bright you know. All the time, they made my day bright. I wanted to make their day bright too, maybe my feelings just didn't reach them.”

He thought of blue, endless blue he could drown in for days. Endless blue he'd grown to adore, look forward to, found comfort in.

Makoto hummed leaning back on the bench, staring up at the sky. An endless sky to watch over the two. The stars as their eyes, the moon as their ears.

“Maybe we're good for them in a different way? Like we're good for eachother in a different way?” Makoto could never see himself liking Sousuke romantically. Maybe they could try, but for sure it would never go far. His heart wasn't in it.

“Yeah, maybe. You and I, us and them. We're different, but not in a bad way. Next time you need a pair of ears, tell me okay? I'll listen. I may not get it, whatever it is. I'm no good at comforting people, but I can listen. I can do that much for you.”

Makoto smiled a little, “Yeah. I needed this. Thank you.” Sousuke just shrugged, his lips quirked up as well.

“Told you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this is so late! College got the best of me unfortunately, but I made this chapter longer than the last one so hopefully that makes up for it! Chapter is slowly picking up. Makoto is still keeping secrets. I'm hoping to add Kisumi in by the next chapter but we'll see how it goes. If you notice any mistakes, please let me know! Constructive criticism is always appreciated; Thank you for reading and have a wonderful day!
> 
> My tumblr: http://lazymatsu.tumblr.com/


	4. Rainbow Veins

“You didn't come Mako-chan!” Nagisa cries at the sight of him. Makoto is sheepish, ducking his head a little.

He was planning on going, but after his talk with Sousuke he was still feeling a tad under the weather and didn't want his foul mood to ruin the day. Makoto was contemplating telling Haru that he was coming down with a cold when the twins ended up ruining some of their clothes. His parents then had to rush to the store to buy them new ones, Makoto coming along because he was long overdue for some new clothes considering his growth spurt.

“Sorry, Mom and Dad needed to go shopping for the twins. They needed to get new clothes for me too,” Makoto held out his arms displaying the new shirt he got over the weekend. It fit him better than his previous shirt, the older one too tight around his shoulders and constricting.

Nagisa pouted and continued to whine, shoving his head into Makoto's side and twisting it in.

“You missed it! Haru-chan was racing!”

Makoto sent a glance towards Haru who refused to look his way, already heading towards the pool. He hadn't made any mention of that when Haru came to visit him after their outing. Haru had merely summarized the trip as “It was fine.”

“Really? How was it?”

“So cool! Rin-chan and Haru-chan kept doing lap after lap!” Not surprising. Rin challenged Haru at just about anything they did.

“And Rin's friend?” Makoto inquired knowing that Rin organized the entire outing so he and his friend could hang out again. Nagisa perked up even more.

“He's so big Mako-chan! Like you actually! But he's quiet and brooding,” Nagisa's face took a drastic turn as his expression quickly shifted from enthusiastic to serious and almost stern looking. Makoto figured out instantly that Nagisa was miming Rin's friend, but he was still startled at the giant difference.

Nagisa should never be upset, Makoto filed away.

“He and Haru-chan don't get along too much, but he's a good swimmer too! His specialty is butterfly!”

Nagisa continued to chatter as they made their way to the pool. Coach Sasabe could be seen readying the groups to practice strokes.

“Makoto!”

A hand slapped his back and he stumbled for a moment before sending an exasperated look towards Rin. The redhead grinned before sending him a mock scolding look.

“You ditched us this weekend. I told you-you should've let me talk to your parents.” Rin walked ahead of him, waving his hand dramatically. “You missed out on all the fun, especially me beating Haru.”

The black haired boy continued on swimming, “Out of what five races?”

“Haru!” Rin growled.

Makoto tilted his head, feeling a tad bit lonely. He had missed out on some fun this weekend didn't he? Rin, Haru, and Nagisa had thoroughly enjoyed themselves. Haru even though he didn't say a lot about it, he wasn't in a bad mood so Makoto knew he had fun.

“I wonder what would have happened if I went.” He'd most likely would have had fun too. He would've swum with his friends and he would've gotten to make a new friend too.

_But you let your insecurities win._

Chills ran down his spine and Makoto let out a quiet breath through his nose. That was true. He had gotten emotional the day before. Sousuke and his talk left him in better spirits than it did before, but lingering thoughts kept him up.

_What if you blurted out you saw color?_

Makoto had kept his secret for years now, he hadn't managed to slip up before. It was one of the things he was extremely peculiar about.

Rin jumped into the pool, yelling something about settling their score once and for all. Haru ignored him per usual.

_But you can mess up. No one's perfect. You'll have to spill at some point._

He'd already talked about it with Sousuke. Someone knew his secret, was even helping him with his secret. That counted. The burden wasn't his own entirely anymore.

_Sousuke's your soulmate. Of course, he'll know. He would have to know._

Makoto could not argue with that. Sousuke would know, they saw colors together. Should he have denied it when they met? No, they experienced the Rush, there was no way he could lie after that. The Rush was a mutual experience. A telltale sign of soulmates.

Nagisa joined in, splashing the two. Makoto stayed on the side, eyes distant and cloudy. The room felt smaller, was getting smaller. Makoto felt trapped. His chest felt heavy, something pressing down on it getting heavier and heavier.

_But you can't keep a secret forever._

He didn't want to keep it a secret forever, just until he felt comfortable sharing that he could see colors. The trauma of only being able to see two was not something that could be let go of easily. Too many questions, too many thoughts, never enough answers or comfort.

Makoto felt suffocated. Air was escaping his lungs faster than he could breathe it in. There were people around him, he knew that but couldn't he focus on them. Why? Why?

_Why?_

“Mako-chan?” Nagisa stopped noticing Makoto had yet to come into the pool. Rin and Haru noticed too.

_No one will understand you, Makoto._

Makoto turned away from the group, having tuned them out ages ago. He hurried into Coach Sasabe's office looking for the keys to the storage room. Coach Sasabe always needed help and the storage room often got disorganized, more than once students had come in to go and put things into place.

_Be put in your place, Makoto._

His hand grasped the key and Makoto rushed out to head there. The walls felt too constricting, his head was beginning to hurt and spin.

His hands shook as he struggled to shove the key into the keyhole. Steps could be heard in the hallway coming towards him.

_No._

_Don't see me._

The key slid in and Makoto pulled the door open. The storage room was organized. Everything in place. He did not need to be here. There was no reason for him to be here.

The steps neared.

Makoto turned around and pulled the door closed, shutting himself in as a body turned around the corner. Body shaking, he backed away from the door, willing whoever was walking to just turn around and leave. He sat on the floor, pulling his knees up to his chest as his emotions shook him. He had no idea what was going on, how he was feeling, or why he was feeling this way. He just wanted to be left alone-needed to be left alone. He did not want anyone to see him like that, especially Haru. Haru did not need to see him acting so weak.

_There's no reason for me to be out there either._

~(*)~

He ended up staying in the storage room for twenty minutes. Ten minutes after he had holed himself inside, the feelings calm down, subsiding. The guilt afterwards hit him like a freight train though.

What was he doing? Why did he do that?

Off day. He was having an off day. Those were what he called the days where anything and everything came blaring at him. Days where Makoto felt as if everything and everyone was against him, even when he knew deep down it was never like that.

He feared stepping outside. It would bring questions, more questions. Always questions.

But he couldn't stay inside the entire time either. Someone would have reported it to Coach Sasabe if they haven't already. Makoto was one of the tallest kids in the class, and rarely did Haru attend the Club if Makoto wasn't there.

The entire situation blared red horns. There was no way he would make it to the end of the class without getting attention drawn on himself.

“Makoto?”

The call of his name startled him. His heart clenched. It was Haru. He'd worried Haru. What was wrong of him?

“Where did he go?? He just up and walked away from us all of a sudden.” Rin.

They were still looking for him? He felt even worse, heart pounding, stomach churning. Makoto stood on shaky legs wondering what he was going to do, what he was going to say. Anything he said they would not accept, especially not Haru.

Haru who's always looked out for him. Haru who's always protected him. Haru who's always cared.

“Mako-chan looked scared when he walked away.” This time it was Nagisa, and he felt his throat close up.

Noticed. Nagisa noticed. Makoto sucked in a breath-it felt too shallow for him again.

There was some murmurs, he could tell it was between Rin and Nagisa. Haru kept quiet.

Makoto stood in the room anxiously, panic rising once more.

What are you doing to do Makoto? What are you-?

“What're you boys doing out here? You keep leaving the class.”

Coach Sasabe.

“Coach!? We were-uh-”

Makoto looked around, looking back and forth between the supplies and the door. Just walk out there Makoto, explain what happened. You felt unwell and you needed some space. You're not lying. They'll understand. Haru will understand.

Makoto slammed his hand into the supplies, knocking them down. He bent down to pick them up, trying to force his breathing under control.

Not even a second after the door opened up, revealing Haru staring down at him. Three faces popped up behind him, two staring wide eyed and one confused.

“Makoto! What're you doing in there?” He smiled sheepishly at his Coach, standing up with arms full of swimming supplies.

“I came here to see if there was anything I could organize. I ended up making a mess instead, I'm sorry.” He bowed his head, not meeting any of his friends' eyes, before straightening up and turning back to the shelves replacing the supplies.

“I'll try not to be so clumsy next time!” Coach Sasabe scratched his head staring confused, before stepping aside and letting Makoto through.

“Alright, just let me know next time if you're going to be organizing things.” Makoto heard his quiet mumble of “I could've sworn everything was organized in there.”

 

~(*)~

“Makoto.” Haru sat infront of him, eyes pinning him to his spot on the floor. Swim club had ended an hour ago and now they were at Haru's house. After they found him in the supply closet, they all had made it a point to keep watch over him, eyes never leaving him throughout the entire duration of the club.

Haru most of all.

Makoto squirmed in his spot on the floor. Rin and Nagisa had left with the promise of seeing him at the next swim club meeting. Rin mentioning to him that they would need to talk later and Nagisa had given him a big hug before he left. They both trusted Haru to get the answers out of him.

Which if Haru really did want to know- _and he did_ -he could easily pry the answers out of him. Makoto was a bad enough liar, but never ever could he really lie to Haru. Never Haru.

“Makoto,” Haru repeated, his tone softer after noticing Makoto's squirm.

What happened, Makoto?

Makoto sighed through his nose. I don't know.

“I… freaked out. I got caught up in my thoughts, Haru. It's not a big deal-”

“Makoto,” Haru cut in knowing full well he was trying to smooth over what happened. Knew full well he was trying to drop the subject.

_What can't you tell me?_

“…..I got scared and then it all felt like too much,” His nails dug into his skin as he stared at his lap, “It just felt so scary Haru. Like everything was just coming at me, my head was so loud, I couldn't stop listening to myself. I wanted to shut it all out.”

_I didn't want you to see me break down._

His hands were pulled away from his lip causing him to look up meeting endless blue. Haru stared back at him with a frown on his face, his eyes. “Idiot.” Makoto felt his eyes widen, lips tugging into a frown ready to retort when Haru intertwined their fingers, scooting over to sit down next to him.

“Idiot.” Haru repeated. Makoto stared speechless, heart pounding as the other boy laid his head on his shoulder, “You should've came to me.”

_I will always protect you._

_But Haru…._

_No matter what. I will be there for you._

Makoto felt his lip quiver and he ducked his head, leaning back against Haru and resting his head on top of his. He felt a small squeeze to his hand and Makoto felt truly lucky to have someone like Haruka Nanase in his life.

~(*)~

Haru ended up spending the night to make sure Makoto was cared for. His mom didn't seem to mind used to the other sleeping over since they were children. Merely smile and making a little more for dinner and bringing out the extra futon and blankets for their guest.

Makoto busied himself with putting in a movie-it was about a fish losing his son and traveling the ocean to find him. Haru was bundled up on the bed waiting for him.

“It's called Finding Nemo. The twins really liked it.”

“Did you cry?”

“Haru!” The ravenette smirked before ducking his head under the blanket. Makoto pouted. Just because he was an easy target for tear jerkers-!

“Not a lot,” He mumbled under his breath pressing play and scooting back onto the bed.

“I heard that,” Haru's head popped out from the blanket, Makoto joining him inside their small little fort.

“You did not,” He threw back laying down, feet brushing against the other's. Haru stared at the screen, silent as the scene began.

There was a pair of fish talking, Makoto already knowing what was going to happen ducked his head slightly. Signs of trouble were approaching. Dramatic music played and then sobbing from the fish named Marlin.

Makoto's lip quivered.

“You're crying.”

“Am not!” Makoto buried his face in his arms, ears red. Haru hummed from his side, snickering quietly.

“Just a little,” He mumbled, picking up his head. Haru smiled back at him, eyes bright.

~(*)~

“Did you have fun last weekend?”

“Yeah, I spent most of the day with my family and that's always nice.” He kicked away a pebble at this feet. He watched as it skidded infront of them to repeat the pattern. Sousuke went a step ahead of him and kicked the pebble away that time. “I got some new clothes. I keep growing, it's a little unnerving. What I grow up to be a seven foot giant.”

“Well you're a giant now.” Sousuke gave him the side-eye and Makoto squawked indignant. The ravenette laughed. The two were of similar height anyways so if Makoto grew to be a seven foot giant, Sousuke would follow after him. Genes were such a weird thing.

“I don't mind being tall-my dad is tall, but I don't want to be a giant.” He whined. Living to be so tall seemed stressful. He'd have no clothes that would fit him and his neck and back would hurt from ducking down so much.

What if he crushed Haru? The two didn't hug often in general, but if he grew too big he could easily crush him without meaning to!

No, Makoto really did not want to grow up to be a giant.

“What about you? Your friend wanted to hang out this weekend didn't they?”

“Yeah,” Sousuke scratched the back of his neck making a face, “I thought it was going to be just us, but he surprised me by bringing along others.”

“You don't like them?”

“I didn't know them,” He corrected, shrugging, “He just kind of shoved strangers at me. They weren't all bad though...” He made another face, “For the most part.” Tilting his head, he wondered if maybe they left a bad impression on Sousuke. Or if maybe their first impression was bad and made up for it later.

“I'll be seeing more of them anyways. My friend is determind I make buddy budy with them.” Sousuke looked a little put out a by it.

“Do you not want to?”

“Doesn't really matter does it?”

“If you don't want to be friends with them-” Makoto started but Sousuke started shaking his head.

“One of them is his soulmate…. They aren't bad people. It's just been a while since he and I have really hung out one on one-and that's partially my fault. Maybe it was stupid of me to think that his world and my world could be separate. When I didn't know them, I could think when he's with me, he's mine. His other friends they could take a step back for a moment and it'd just be us again.”

Ah.

I know that lonliness, Makoto thought. It was the same lonliness he had felt when Rin came into their lives.

Before it had just been Haru and him and that was fine. More than fine. Even if he knew he wasn't Haru's soulmate, he'd be fine if it was the two of them. Then Rin came, and he expected the heartbreak, but he didn't think it'd hurt that much. It felt as if someone was ripping him in half.

He wanted to be happy for Haru. He was happy for Haru. That was his soulmate. His other half. Rin was a good person. Rin was fun, fire, blazing and brightening. Rin was his friend too.

But Makoto sometimes wished for the days where it was just the two of them again.

Was that selfish? Probably. Maybe it came with his misguided feelings about color or maybe it was because this was Haru he was talking about. The lines always blurred when it came to the two.

The brunette slid his eyes back over to his friend as they continued walking along. Headed where, who knows, Sousuke was the one leading. He kept his eyes forward, lost in thought like he was.

“Do you think our world would be easier without soulmates?”

Sousuke laughed and shook his head.

“I think any world with them being in it would be difficult. Soulmates or not.”

Makoto pondered that over.

“Do you think we're masochists?”

“Maybe just a little.”

~(*)~

“Do you want to meet him one day?” Sousuke had led them over to an ice cream shop, offering to pay since he's the one who asked him to come out.

“Who?”

“My friend.” _My world._ Makoto blinked and understood the silent message. He took a bite of his chocolate ice cream. Did he? His friend was obviously someone important to him.

His friend is like your Haru.

Makoto would have to meet him one day anyways wouldn't he? When they tell the world, We're soulmates. Sousuke would meet those in Makoto's life and he would meet those in Sousuke's life.

Makoto imagined introducing Sousuke as that.

This is Sousuke. He's my soulmate. He showed me colour.

Yes, Mom and Dad he's the one the world tells me about. He's nice, I like him. I consider him my friend.

No I don't think he and I would go down that route. We just aren't interested in being with eachother that way, right Sousuke?

Nagisa this is him. Haha, you're smiling so much. I am happy. Sousuke's a good person. He understands me.

Rin stop smiling at me like that, you're making me blush…! No, no it's not like that I swear! Friends. Friends. He and I are friends. Thank you, I'm happy too.

Haru.

Haru, I want you to meet Sousuke. He's my soulmate. The world tells me he's going to be my world but I don't think that's true. I already gave half of mine to you, the other half I'm safe keeping. I think he's nice and friendly and we get along. It was bumpy, but we're making it through. Are you happy for me?

“Yeah, I would. Would you want to meet mine?”

Sousuke nodded, “Course.”

~(*)~

Rin had asked them when they got to school what middle school they'd be applying for. The question left him speechless because that was coming up wasn't it?

Middle school, a sign they were growing up in life. Makoto spared Haru a glance. They hadn't talked about it once, but Makoto had always assumed they'd go to Iwatobi Junior High. It was the middle school closest to them after all, but there was plenty of other schools that were just as good if not better.

He didn't think it mattered to much to Haru since school was school and dragging him out could be a hassle sometimes. Haru's mom thanked him countless of times when Haru would be obstinate to get out of the bath.

“Tch, you guys haven't thought about it at all have you?” Rin gave them the side eye. Already feeling the lecture coming on, Makoto and Haru continued eating their lunch as the redhead began his tirade about the pros of organization and looking into the future.

On some level Makoto was jealous of that. Of Rin.

He was very aware of his feelings and where he stood.

Rin was someone important to both Makoto and Haruka. Rin was an irreplaceable friend. He was smart, talented, fun, even if at times he could be rude, snarky, and too forward. He made their lives exciting and Makoto could probably speak for both him and Haru when he says that they can't imagine Rin not being in their lives at this point.

But Rin's importance in Makoto's life was vastly different than Rin's importance in Haru's life.

Rin was not Makoto's soulmate. Rin was Haru's soulmate and the word soulmate carried a lot of meaning in the world.

Rin was considered Haru's other half. The one who would complete him, who is completing him. The other side of his coin. Out of all the people in the world, the one who could bring out the utter best in Haruka Nanase would be Rin Matsuoka.

To say that Makoto Tachibana didn't see that would be to say he was blind. Makoto was very much aware of Rin's ability to bring out sides of Haru that he'd never seen.

Haru's competitiveness, his want to win, the sudden brashness that only appeared when Rin was around. It was all new to Makoto. In the beginning, it was something thrilling. Haru. New sides to Haru that were surfacing and it amazed him because these were feelings that Haru hadn't shown him yet. Haru who felt deeper than anyone Makoto knew. Whose outer shell was difficult to read at first glance, but if you spent the time and effort to understand him, you'd see all that he shared with those dear to him.

Makoto was happy, was still happy. But with his happiness came the realization that he was not the one who brought out these sides of Haru. Nor was he able to bring out these sides of Haru in all the years he'd known him. Did it hurt? A little-a lot, but to be fair he never instigated Haru liked Rin did.

Makoto didn't treat Haru the way Rin treated him. So should he be upset that he never got to see those sides of Haru? It made sense if you thought about it. After all, you can't be upset at answers to questions you never asked.

Still he prided himself in knowing Haru better than anyone else. It was a little childish-scratch that a lot childish, to be acting this way, but over the years he'd be praised with comments that said he knew Haru best of out everyone. He probably still knew Haru best out of everyone.

Maybe they just fed his ego too much.

Makoto continued to munch on his food, nodding ever so often to let Rin know he was listening. Rin could go on a tangent for miles if no one stopped him.

“So you guys gotta get your priorities straightened out right now.” He continued on through a mouth full of food. “It won't help you guys later on if you have nothing to strive for.”

Rin mouthed off many times how he'd be heading towards the Olympics in the future. How that was his dream, his goal. Makoto admired that about him, already knowing what he wanted despite the goal being so far into the future. He wasn't even too sure about what he'd be having for dinner tonight.

On some level though, Makoto wondered and worried about it. Rin for all his grand boasting, what would happen if he couldn't reach it? Not to say, he was hoping for failure for Rin, far from it. But there was a certain weakness in getting your hopes up about something and getting disappointed later on.

Makoto finished his lunch with time to spare.

“Oi! Makoto are you listening?”

He smiled, tilting cocking his head, “Hm? Could you repeat that Rin?”

“Makoto!”

~(*)~

Iwatobi Junior High it was. Before they knew it, the three of them had graduated from elementary into middle school. Rin made a show of getting into an athletic middle school, while he and Haru settled for Iwatobi Junior High. Makoto wondered for a moment if Haru's talents were better off at a more prestigious school but Haru quickly put an end to that thought when he had asked to help him adjust his uniform.

_Don't be an idiot, Makoto._

His mom helped with adjusting their uniforms while Haru's mom took pictures on the side. Something to look at while she was in Tokyo. Haru's parents had been frequenting Tokyo off and on for the past couple of months due to work until it got to the point where they would have to be stationed in Tokyo.

After hearing that news, Makoto immediately sought Haru out wondering how he was feeling. Grandmother Nanase's death had only been a short time prior, hitting his best friend particularly hard. Haru had refused to leave his room for a week, barely finishing meals-only with him coaxing him there- and once he did leave his room, he'd been eerily silent.

Silence was a common factor in Haru and Makoto's friendship, but that silence had been deafening, drowning. Uncomfortable. Heart-wrenching. Haru had been mourning in that silence, a quiet cry which Makoto seemed to understand very well.

He ended up spending a week at Haru's house. Making sure the boy was okay even if he couldn't outwardly do anything to remedy the situation. It wasn't until late one night that Haru had woken Makoto up in the middle of the night, fists tightly clenched in his shirt. The brunette had been sleepy for about 2 seconds before he noticed Haru's shaking form.

That was the first time Makoto had ever seen Haru cry. Despite the darkness surrounding them, he could feel it, he could see it. Haru's tears. He didn't speak, only wrapping his arms around him as Haru clung in return. Body shaking against his with silent sobs being pressed into his shoulder.

That night plagued him for a long time. Never ever did he want to see Haruka Nanase so sad ever again.

“Our boys are growing up so fast aren't they?” His mom cooed stepping back. Haru's mom giggled snapping another picture. Makoto smiled into the camera while Haru looked away, clearly embarassed.

“Next thing you know, they'll be introducing their soulmates to us. Then we'll see them walking down the aisle,” Haru's mom set the camera down looking at his own mom with wide eyes. His mom returned the look as Makoto let out a scandalized noise.

So embarrassing…!

“Hey now,” Makoto's face flushed red. The moms erupted into giggles. Their families were holding one last get together before the Nanases leave for Tokyo. Their dads were out in the backyard grilling some meat, the twins most likely shooting them a million questions.

“Ah, you two were just in diapers yesterday and now you're graduating to middle school.”

“Mom,” Haru sent her a look, ears pink. She knew just what to say to get under his skin. She laughed leaning down to press a kiss on his head. “Let me have my moment, my only child is growing before my eyes.” Haru's lips thinned, another moment passing before he looked away.

“Do what you want.” Everyone in the room laughed as Makoto's dad called from the back the food was almost ready. The moms took a few more pictures before saying to get changed, they didn't want the uniforms getting dirty when they just got them.

Makoto watched as the moms left the room, turning to his best friend once the door shut.

“Haru.” The ravenette was already down to his underwear and reaching for a shirt, he didn't answer back.

_Are you really okay with them leaving?_

Haru still didn't answer so Makoto busied himself with changing as well.

“They'll come back.” _Won't they?_

“Of course Haru. Your parents love you a lot.” Even asking if Haru had wanted to come join them in Tokyo. Haru had refused for some reason, his excuse saying Tokyo was too busy.

“Mh.”

Makoto pulled up his pants, watching his friend for a moment. “Ne, Haru. You know that you'll always have me right?”

Haru sat on the bed waiting for him to finish, his gaze else where to give Makoto privacy. His words were soft, but Makoto heard them anyways. “Always.”

Stretching his arms over his head, Makoto let out a soft laugh, “Lets go see if your dad made his special barbeque! I'm starving.” Haru nodded going infront of him and head straight for the backyard. Makoto easily read that he wanted to enjoy the time with his parents as much as possible before they left.

~(*)~

Middle school wasn't all that different from elementary. There was certainly a bigger push for academics but it wasn't too vast of a change.

Haru was still Haru. Makoto was still Makoto. Their days were quiet again with Rin going to a different middle school, but he still made it a point to see them on the weekends to let them know they weren't going to get rid of him that easily.

Nagisa was sad he wasn't going to see them as much despite only being a year younger. He made a show of it and the three elders reassured him that they weren't going anywhere far and that they'd still come to the swim club.

Sousuke had mentioned that he too got into a nice middle school. Something about it being the first stepping stone to his goal. Makoto would guiltily admit he didn't know what that goal was. He really should ask at some point after all it was important to Sousuke and the least he could do was be aware of his feelings.

“Makoto!”

Ah, there was one big change in middle school.

“Kisumi!” Makoto greeted with a smile. The pink haired boy stepped to his side while he and Haru were making their way to their classes.

The two of them had met after PE one day, Kisumi approaching Makoto with the suggestion that he should join the basketball club. Makoto had to refuse as he was already dedicated to swimming, but Kisumi was nothing short of persistent.

He didn't mind it too much. It's not as if Kisumi brought it up every single time they chatted. He earnestly found a friend in the cotton candy haired boy. The same could be said for Haru albeit he'd probably glare at you to death before he ever admitted it.

Kisumi and Haru shared a class together so the two of them saw eachother a lot more than Makoto saw either of them. Learning that he and Haru were in different classes was a bit of a disappointment, but he made up for it by visiting him during lunch hours.

Haru's patience knew no bounds and Kisumi most likely tested him every day. His personality was the type of personality that Haru struggled to handle, being too overwhelming at times. But Makoto found it refreshing and it was always nice to gain friends.

“Kisumi you're too loud.”

“I only said hello,” Kisumi sent a pout towards Haru as he entered the classroom. Makoto hung outside for a bit after Kisumi caught his sleeve.

“Kisumi?”

“Your day has been going well right Makoto?” He asked staring at him with genuine curiosity. He smiled and nodded, “Of course.”

“Good! And you'd tell me if anything was wrong right?” Makoto tilted his head but nodded otherwise. Kisumi smiled brighter as if the answer meant the entire world to him.

“I wanna talk with you a bit after school if that's alright.”

“Of course!” The bell rung signaling the start of classes. Kisumi reached out squeezing his hands gently before winking and heading inside the classroom. The gesture confused Makoto.

“Ah! Haru! What's with that glare?” He could hear Kisumi's whine from the inside. A quick glance inside did show that Haru was glaring at Kisumi, but he couldn't think about it anymore as he had to get to class.

~(*)~

“Haru you can go on ahead, I need to stay behind a bit.”

The ravenette stared at him with a frown, turning away and walking to the entrance of the school. Makoto watched for a moment before heading to meet Kisumi. What did he want, he wondered.

Kisumi was waiting for him in the gym bouncing a basketball and shooting hoops. He sent him a bright smile and continued on playing. He got the gist, setting his stuff down and walking forward to play with him.

He stood infront of him, arms outstretched ready to block him. The other boy's smile turned wicked and he side stepped Makoto quickly shooting another point.

This continued on for a few more minutes, Makoto successfully blocking him a few times.

“Is this what you wanted?”

“Yes.” Kisumi tossed him a water bottle. They hadn't played intensely enough to sweat, but still a workout.

“To play a quick game with me?” Makoto downed the water bottle as Kisumi chugged his, nodding. He sent him a confused look. If he had wanted to play a game, he could've easily waited for PE.

Kisumi set the water bottle down on the ground, sitting down next to him on the bench. Violet coloured eyes stared back at him with intensity he wasn't used to seeing from Kisumi outside of a game.

“I wanted to spend some time with my soulmate.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the wait for this chapter!! Finals got the better of me, but now I'm on summer vacation with more time than I know what to do with so updates will hopefully come faster. I'm still not entirely sure how I feel about how this chapter turned out and I think it shows in my writing, so I deeply apologize if this chapter doesn't seem as good as the others. Kisumi finally makes his appearance! All the major characters are slowly being added in, the only one left is Rei, haha. I'm hoping that the chapter after this one will conclude their middle school days and I can get to the real story then. Constructive criticism is always welcome, and if you notice any mistakes please let me know! As always thank you for reading and have a nice day!
> 
> Feel free to reach out to me on my tumblr: http://lazymatsu.tumblr.com/


	5. Porcelain

“Momma how did you meet Papa?”

“Hm?” His mother looked up from chopping the vegetables for tonight's dinner. She was making green curry-his favourite! Makoto paused from his drawing, staring up at his mother curiously. He was trying to make a picture for Haru since his birthday was coming up. They had already bought his present a few days ago, his mom wrapping it for him when she suggested he make a card to go with it-”to make it more special, Makoto.”

“How'd you meet Papa?” He repeated. His mother smiled and set the knife down, wiping her hands on a blue wash rag that was nearby.

“I didn't know you were interested.”

“I wanna know!” He protested pouting, reaching for a crayon that said orange. He didn't know what that was but it came in his crayon box so it had to mean something.

“Hm… it was after college. I had just graduated and was beginning my new job as a nurse.” She moved away from the vegetables to check up on his drawing. Makoto was trying to draw in a pool-Haru would probably laugh at him if he saw his attempt.

“The hospital was really busy that day but we had someone come in for a broken leg.”

He let out a gasp. Daddy got hurt! His mom nodded, “Yes, yes. But it's okay, the hospital got him all fixed up. I was the one who got to take care of him.”

Her face softened in that way when she was thinking about her husband. Makoto watched enraptured clutching the crayon in his hand. “The day had started out normal, if not a little busier. My boss had given me a list of people to check up on and I was making my rounds. I walked into the room saying my greeting. Hello, I'm Sachiko Youta, I'll be your nurse. I didn't hear a response back, so when I looked back up I saw your father staring at me.”

She laughed softly, her hand on her chest, smile still on her face. “I was so confused for a moment, but then the world started to bleed.” Makoto whimpered. That sounded like it hurt…! Blood was scary.

“Oh no, not like that,” She reassured him without missing a beat, “The world just changed for the better, sweetheart. You won't understand it now but when you meet your soulmate you will. The world I had grown up seeing was very dull, Makoto. Black, white, and grey. Then seeing your father, everything shifted all of a sudden. It wasn't the fastest change. It happened slowly, but I noticed it. His hair starting turning into a color I didn't recognize, the walls started brightening up.”

Her eyes grew distant, recounting the moment, “His eyes were wide but they were bright. So, so bright. He and I were so surprised that we probably stared at eachother for a long time. But then we looked away from eachother to look at the sky.”

Makoto's attention shifted to the window behind them. The weather clear, providing a cloudless sky.

“The sky was so blue, sweetheart. Blue, and clear. We could see the birds as they flew by. The sakura trees as they bloomed a beautiful pink. I think we both cried that day, we were so overwhelmed, but we were so happy. Colours, Makoto! We could finally see all the colours of the world. We met our soulmates.”

His mom's face was bright and red, could feel the happiness oozing out of her. The younger fiddling with the crayons head filled with thoughts about his parent's meeting.

“I hope you get that same feeling when you meet your soulmate.” She mumbled softly but he heard her. He could feel her gaze on him, wondering if the tale satisfied him. Makoto was satisfied! He smiled in return, giggling because his parents were so happy together!

“But you saw all the colours, Momma?”

“Mhm!” She stood back up to go continue preparing for dinner. He aligned his crayons, the labels pointing outwards ready to be read. Fingers running over the crayons, his gaze switched back and forth between his mom and the crayons. Makoto kept silent.

All the colours, he repeated to himself.

“Is that what happens when you meet your soulmate?”

“Yes. You only see colours when you meet your soulmate.” His mother fiddled with the stove as his attention slipped to the blue rag again before darting over the little green houseplant they kept by the kitchen window.

All the colours.

Makoto looked back down at his crayon set focusing on the two which stood out from the rest. Tilting his head, he picked up the two. Blue in his left. Green in his right. The rest lay on the table with their labels mismatched with what he saw.

Red. Orange. Yellow. Brown. Purple. Pink.

All of them resembling the rest of the world aside from the blue and the green that stood out to him.

All the colours.

His lips trembled and he began to cry. His vision blurred, the ringing in his ears began, as he sobbed and sobbed. Words unmanageable.

All the colours. The sentence rang through his head. No. No. No. That was wrong. That wasn't right.

“Makoto?!? What happened, sweetie??” He felt his mother's arms wrap around him as she tried to console him. He only cried harder. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. That's not right.

His drawing lay forgotten on the table as Makoto began to scrub at his eyes. His eyes were wrong. They had to be. He let out a wail of frustration between his sobs, hands still scrubbing at his eyes. A hand wrapping around his wrists to stop him.

“ _Makoto!”_

He left go of the blue and green crayons watching as they fell to the ground. Broken crayons, broken eyes, broken Makoto.

~(*)~

“W-What?” He choked out. Kisumi kept his gaze, a crooked smile on his face. He wasn't sure what to make of it. Half of him wanted to believe that the cotton haired boy was pulling his leg, a farce to let his guard down. The other half thought better and asked why would he joke about something like that.

“That does surprising doesn't it? I guess I should've eased into it better,” Kisumi leaned back on his hands breaking his gaze with Makoto to look at the ground, deep in thought, “But how do you really ease someone into that.”

Makoto, in the midst of panicking, was somehow able to remain somewhat calm on the outside. His mind spun with the news willing Kisumi to continue.

“Not sure if you remember-I don't think you would. But our first week of school, our first day in PE. That's when I saw you. I saw you and my first thought was, 'He'd be perfect for the basketball team!' I wanted to recruit you but then a second stretched on longer than I've ever experienced. The world shifted and color began to bleed in my black and white world.”

Makoto was reminded of the time when he was eight years old, listening to his mother recount how she met his father. All because of a simple question he had asked.

“I was so bad that day,” Kisumi laughed, throwing his head back a little, “You'd think I was the worst player ever! But I didn't say anything. Not to you, not to anyone. I had no idea who you were and had no idea how to approach you. I had absolutely no clue what world I had just stepped into because I looked at you.”

Sucking in a deep breath, Makoto tried to will his heartbeat to calm down. _Slow down. Too much. Too too much._

“Just….” Kisumi's voice turned soft and Makoto stared back, “You're my soulmate, Makoto Tachibana.”

_No. That's not right. I can't be your soulmate, Kisumi._

He kept silent, trying to process. Thoughts running a million miles per second. He didn't know how to answer. Soulmate. He was someone else's soulmate. But…. He had already found his. Makoto already had a soulmate, there wasn't any way he could've been-!

“K-Kisumi….!” Makoto tried to breath. “I-I-I-”

“I should go.” Kisumi stood up all of a sudden, “I kept you long enough. Haru will be looking for you probably.”

“W-Wait, Kisumi!” He watched frantically as Kisumi scooped up his stuff, putting the basketball away.

_Speak. Speak Makoto. Give him an answer. Delay. Something._

“We can talk about this later, yeah? You look like you need some time to process things.” He walked back to him, reaching for his hands, squeezing them gently. Just like earlier. Kisumi sent him a sweet smile, no bite or sour tone to it. Makoto could only stay back helplessly.

The pink haired boy walked away, only when he passed the doors of the gym did Makoto snap out of his trance. He jumped up collecting his things, wanting to follow him. Needing to follow him. Needing more than just that.

_What do you mean soulmate?_

He was met with empty halls. Makoto looked back and forth-he was losing time. He ran outside. Still nothing.

_What do I do? How do I respond? What did I do to him?_

His breathing was shallow and Makoto ran. Ran as fast as his feet could take him, the anxiety and panic pushing his feet forward to who knows where. Somewhere. Somewhere. He needed to go somewhere.

Makoto found himself infront of the Iwatobi Swim Club.

_Swim. Yes. Swim. Distraction._

He moved forward, freezing midstep.

_Swim. Swimming. Water. Haru._

Haru was probably inside. Makoto couldn't go in there. If he saw him, he'd know immediately something was wrong. Haru would stop whatever he was doing to check up on him, to ask him what happened.

Haru could not ask him questions. Especially questions he had no answers to.

His head hurt, but his heart hurt worse. Trying not to cry, Makoto turned away from the swim club and ran in the opposite direction.

~(*)~

Makoto was huddled by the wall outside of the library. His head buried in his knees, taking in shallow breaths. Mind still spinning, he could only stay there and wait till Sousuke came.

Once he ran away from the swim club, he lead himself to the library where Sousuke and him would meet up, knowing no one would look for him there. He couldn't handle people stares, so he hid by the little alley on the side of it. Sending Sousuke a quick, garbled message about how he was at their usual spot and he needed help, Makoto sat and waited.

Footsteps could be heard running towards the library causing him to lift his head. A dark blur past him and he scrambled to pick himself up.

“Sousuke,” He weakly called out from his hiding spot, too scared to leave it. Sousuke turned his head, gaze zeroing in on Makoto's tear streaked face. He let go of the door handle-having intended to search for Makoto inside the library, and came towards him, a furrow in his brows.

“Hey…” He greeted uneasily, Makoto walking back further into the alley to hide from others. Sitting back down, knees pressed against his chest, the green eyed boy struggled to look at Sousuke without wanting to burst back into tears.

“I messed up Sousuke.”

“Hm?” He felt the other boy plop down next to him, gaze concerned and alert.

The words felt out of his reach. How did he mess up so badly? First, it was only seeing two colours. Now it was being someone else's soulmate when he already had his. Worst of all, he had run away from Haru. Haru who never did anything wrong but still he kept all these secrets from him.

“I messed up,” His lip quivered, Makoto trying to wipe at his glossy eyes, “I don't know what I did, but I messed up.”

“It's probably not that bad,” Sousuke tried to reassure him. Makoto shook his head, tears falling.

“It is. I don't know how someone could be so-so-”

_Broken._

_That's what you are Makoto._

The words he feared for years, feared of admitting to himself. Now there was proof he was broken, how else would someone explain this mess.

“Makoto, we've been over this. I can't understand if you don't-”

“I can't. It'll sound crazy-is crazy….!”

“Try me.”

“No, you wouldn't-couldn't-how would you?” He was babbling at this point. The tears still going. Makoto scrubbed at his eyes.

“Makoto-hey!” Sousuke snatched at his wrists, his gaze worried.

“I'm broken, Sousuke.” He moaned, head dipping down. His vision was blurry, and in the dimly lit alley, all he could see was grey.

“No-did someone tell you that?” Sousuke's tone shifted, frustration lacing it. He couldn't see his face, but he liked to imagine that he probably looked angry.

“No, I just am.” Energy left him leaving him feeling exhausted. Sousuke didn't respond.

“….I saw colour you know,” His voice was soft, “Before I even met you.”

He could feel Sousuke tense up next to him. Makoto wished he could take back his words, but he felt so tired. So, so tired. Even if Sousuke didn't understand, resented him, Makoto would tell him.

He was tired of bottling it up. Even a false set of ears would satisfy him for now.

“For as long as I could remember, I saw blue and green. I couldn't remember a time where I didn't see those colours. I thought it was normal. Then my mom told me the story of how she met my dad and that's when I knew. I wasn't supposed to see it like that. Colours didn't work like that.”

Makoto closed his eyes wanting for moment to see absolutely nothing.

“I kept it a secret. I didn't tell anyone. No one. Not even my friend, Sousuke. I let no one know I could already see colour before I met my soulmate. Then I met you and you gave me the rest of the world. You gave me the rest of the rainbow. I'm sorry, you got paired up with a broken person for a soulmate, Sousuke.”

“Y-You saw colour? Before you met me?” He could feel the disbelief oozing from Sousuke. It did sound crazy, but if Makoto knew-could explain-he would've shared all the answers he could. Sousuke let go of his wrist and Makoto kept his gaze closed.

Sousuke was silent next to him. The two not moving from their spot.

“…...For as long as you could remember?”

“I grew up used to seeing it, I thought it was normal.” _I thrived in blue and green._

“…..Do you think someone caused it?”

Makoto could see a face in his mind. His mind hazy and chaotic from today's events, but the face was clear as day. The same face he saw every day, the same face that no matter what he would come back to.

“My friend.” My world. “I've known him forever. I like to think he's the reason.”

Sousuke kept silent once more. Makoto had thought about it for a long time. Haru who'd been with him since his earliest memories. Haru who encompassed his world. Haru who was the blue to his green.

Haru who made sense and deserved better than anything he could ever offer him.

“...You said I wouldn't understand.”

“You wouldn't.”

“If I said I did?”

Makoto stilled, sucking in a deep breath. No. Couldn't be. “Sousuke.”

“If I told you that I knew exactly how you felt.”

He opened his eyes slowly, stinging for a moment from his tears. He turned to face Sousuke who looked back at him with apprehension.

“My friend. I told you about him. I told you I thought he'd be my soulmate, but I wasn't good enough.” His expression shifted, eyes breaking away and struggling to look back at him. “There's a reason for that. He…. He's bright. I told you. He made my world shine, still makes my world shine. He made me see colour before I met you.”

Makoto felt his eyes widening, exhaustion being pulled back fiercely as his muscles tensed.

“So… so I know-how you feel I mean. Them. My friend. Your friend. You aren't alone. If you're broken, then I am too.”

He searched teal eyes for cracks, any sign of deceit, of fallacy. If Sousuke was saying it just to comfort him, he didn't need it like this…!

Makoto found none. Only apprehensive eyes, mirroring feelings being reflected back at him.

Years of secrets. Years of bitterness. Years of confusion. Years of feeling lonely. All of it looking back at him and Makoto felt his walls crumbling down, exposing himself.

“We're the same, Makoto.” Sousuke repeated back at him. He knew. He truly did understand.

Makoto sucked in a breath and his eyes watered again. He began to cry again, this time just not for himself, but for Sousuke who lost his tears long ago.

~(*)~

“I don't think you're broken, Makoto. Not by a long shot.”

“But Sousuke...”

“We'll get it figured out. Not right now. We've had a long day, lets take a breather. Call me when you're feeling better and we can talk it out then.”

Sousuke's expression had reflected the same tiredness he felt, and Makoto knew he needed time to adjust. To sort out the new revelations.

Makoto trudged back home. He ended up spending the night at Sousuke's house because he was too scared and tired to head back to his own that day. Sousuke's mother was understanding after seeing his expression, only asking that he call his mother to let him know. He did and his mom sounded worried on the phone, asking if he was alright. He couldn't lie to her, so he said he would be.

The weekend was upon him. Giving him a day to sort himself out. He didn't know where to start.

“Mom…?” He opened the door to his home, walking inside slowly.

“Makoto?”

“Big brother!!” Two masses attached themselves to his body and Makoto smiled tiredly at his younger siblings. Their shouts blended together, unable to decipher what any one of the two was saying. His father appeared picking the two up in his arms.

“Hey now, lets give Makoto some time to rest okay? He must be tired from walking back.”

The twins paused in their rambles and turned to scrutinize their brother, before beginning another tirade. This time of apologies.

His father laughed gently and carried them away. Not before sending his son a concerned look. Makoto only returned with once again a tired smile. His mom stood under the doorway of the kitchen, a frown on her lips and furrow between her brows.

Makoto came forward bowing, apologizing to her. A hand rested itself on brown strands, gently scratching, as understanding murmurs were returned to him. He felt the tension leave his body and let himself be pulled into a gentle hug from his mom.

“I'm sorry, Momma.”

“It's okay, sweetie. It'll be okay.”

~(*)~

His mom did wonders at comforting him. His amazing, wonderful mom whom he was so lucky to have. She never asked or probed him about what happened or who he stayed with. Instead she gave him a list of chores to do over the weekend, something to preoccupy himself to help organize-or avoid- his thoughts together. The list was low maintenance so by no means would his parents rush or hassle him.

His dad tried to ask once later in the day. Makoto still not in the right state of mind just mumbled something about realizing something and that it took a really big toll on him. Giving a sympathetic look, his dad merely offered the advice that it'll all work out in the end.

Makoto wondered when and where the end would be.

He spent his days doing chores and at night he'd watch over and play with the twins until they fell asleep. Ran and Ren were a lot more perceptive than most people gave them credit for, having picked up on his dour mood and did their best to keep their fights to a minimum.

At night Sousuke would call him to see how he was doing, having picked up on the fact that Makoto had holed himself to his home for the weekend. He never mentioned colours instead just asking about his dad still intent on giving Makoto that breather he mentioned.

Makoto would ramble, talking just for talk. His topics would switch within minutes showing his rattled his mind was about things. Occasionally he'd glance out his window to look at the house located at the top of the stairs. Haru's house.

He hadn't gone up to see how Haru was doing due to the mess that was his brain. Haru would be able to tell instantly that something was wrong. He wouldn't pry but it's not as if he'd let the subject drop until he knew what happened.

Sousuke asked him to meet this upcoming weekend, he'd clear his entire schedule for them to talk. Makoto agreed instantaneously-it wasn't something they could put off and he wanted to know exactly what happened to Sousuke.

If their experiences really were the same.

It'd also give him time to talk to Kisumi. Makoto flinched at the thought, his stomach churning uneasily.

Soulmate. Kisumi said he was his soulmate.

Was that possible? Makoto couldn't remember anything about someone having two soulmates or being soulmates to two people.

Then again, he'd never heard of someone seeing colour before meeting their soulmate.

It was getting to a point where Makoto was beginning to resent the word soulmate but the further he fell into despair, the more he latched onto it.

Because soulmates could fix everything couldn't they? Makoto wanted to believe that he could be saved. He could be fixed.

_Unhealthy._

His teeth clicked together, reaching to dim the light from his lap. Burying himself in blankets and pillows, eyes adjusting to the dark shadows of the room.

_Unrealistic._

~(*)~

The walk to school was silent, not even the random chatter Makoto would usually supply. He had tried in the beginning but after noticing Haru sulking, he'd thought better of it.

Like he thought he would, Haru had wanted to know what happened, surprising Makoto when he had walked out to see his best friend sitting at the bottom of the staircase. He'd taken one look at him and known instantaneously that something was wrong.

Makoto had brushed off his concerns though, rattling off excuses that he couldn't even remember. Haru had seem to have taken offense to that and let the subject drop opting instead to boil in his sour mood. Guilt hit him like a freight train, wanting immediately to tell Haru what was wrong because how much did he wish he could Haru-oh how badly did he want to spill the words he locked up.

Makoto did offer this though. “I promise I'll tell you eventually, Haru-chan. I just need to think things through for a bit.” Blue met green and for a long moment they stayed there looking at eachother.

Haru's shoulders dropped slightly, and he nodded still miffed, but accepted that Makoto would share his worries with him when he could before taking the first step to school.

The weekend left a larger toll on him that he thought, still feeling incredibly drained.

Kisumi would no doubt be there setting his nerves alight once more.

What would say? How would he explain himself?

_Listen to Kisumi. Listen to what he says._ Makoto wanted to believe that it'd all been a mistake, it was someone else, it had to be. It was someone else and Makoto wasn't the cause of the color trauma that he'd inevitably cause Kisumi because they weren't soulmates.

Makoto wanted to believe a lot of things.

School came faster than he'd like but figured the distraction would help. Taking notes and focusing on class might help calm his mind before he actually faced what he was avoiding.

A flash of pink caught his eye and on instinct, he tensed up, hunching his back to make himself appear smaller, less noticeable. He cursed himself mentally for his slip up.

Without missing a step, Haru stepped infront of Makoto shielding him from an approaching Kisumi, eyes narrowed and lips curled dangerously.

“Kisumi.”

The cotton haired boy faltered in his steps as he took in the other infront of him. Makoto straightening up behind Haru, subconsciously grabbing at the back of his shirt. Maybe he'd imagined it, but did Haru stand up straighter?

“Good morning Haru!” The other smiled, albeit a little forced clearly put off from the icy glare being sent his way. Makoto sent him a panicked yet apologetic look.

“Haru we should get to class,” He whispered trying to defuse the situation, heart thundering in his chest.

“What did you do.” Haru blatantly ignored him. Kisumi sent Makoto a confused look which seemed to put Haru on edge even more. “You did something.”

Understanding seemed to blossom on the accused face before sending Makoto a smile. It hurt him to see it, so full of care and adoration while also being sad and guilty.

Kisumi seemed to have wallowed over the weekend too. Mouth dry Makoto tried to call out to him. _It's okay. It's okay. You did nothing wrong. It's my fault._

“I'll see you at lunch, kay Makoto?”

_Please. Let me just explain._

~(*)~

They were in the gym once more hidden away from any scrutinizing eyes. Makoto huddled against the wall while Kisumi sat infront of him. They had a limited amount of time since it was only lunch break. Normally he'd have gone to Kisumi and Haru's classroom to join them for lunch and see what sort of antics the two would be up to then.

Today wasn't a normal day.

Kisumi waited there patiently giving Makoto the opportunity to speak first when he wanted to. He wanted to, he just wasn't sure what to say.

“About this morning-” He tried to begin when Kisumi started shaking his head.

“I'm sorry. I guess I wasn't thinking when I confessed to you like that. I probably should've kept my mouth shut.”

“No!” He reached out grabbing Kisumi's arms, a panicked and helpless look on his face, “Don't say that. Please, don't say that.”

If Kisumi had kept it to himself, what would've happened to him? Would he have turned out like Makoto? Helpless and delusion to the idea of soulmates? Broken? Irreparable?

So hypnotized and repulsed by soulmates that he didn't know where Makoto began or where Sousuke's soulmate began.

Makoto didn't want that for anyone else.

“I-I'm glad you told me,” He loosened his hold pulling his arms back when Kisumi grabbed them and gave his hands a squeeze. He didn't let go. “I-I just...”

“You have a soulmate already?” Makoto sucked in a shuddering breath, body shaking as he nodded.

Yes. Yes. He had a soulmate. Broken Makoto had a soulmate.

“I figured,” Kisumi murmured bringing their hands to their lap. “Afterall how could you not have a soulmate.”

Makoto's brows furrowed, confused.

“Haru's really lucky-”

“It's not Haru.” He blurted out before he could stop himself. Kisumi stared back at him wide eyed, clearly not having expected that.

“I-It's not?”

“N-No, not really,” His body was still shaking, “I-It's complicated. I have a soulmate, but it's not Haru. Haru's….” He trailed off unsure of what to say.

Haru was his best friend. His number one priority. His comfort. His happiness. His most important person.

His entire world.

Kisumi's stare shifted to one of sympathy seeming to have picked up on the underlying reasons for Makoto's hesitation. “Oh Makoto….”

“That's why I can't…. I mean…. I couldn't be-” Words were escaping him. He wanted to say he couldn't be Kisumi's soulmate. He couldn't be. But he didn't want to deny Kisumi if he was. If the possibility he truly was Kisumi's soulmate was there.

He couldn't hurt someone like that.

“But you are,” Kisumi spoke softly back, thumbs rubbing circles in his skin. Makoto whimpered, but he continued on nevertheless, “You are. I know you are. You're my soulmate-”

“Even if I'm not yours,” They spoke together. Kisumi smiled softly laying his head on Makoto's shoulder.

“I'll be okay Makoto. These things happen.” Makoto returned the hug feeling weight upon weight of guilt pressing down on him.

_But why do they happen._

~(*)~

In the end Makoto invited Kisumi to join him this weekend, feeling that it was only fair that he meet his soulmate. To properly explain things. The pinkette took it in stride and even seemed excited about it.

How Kisumi could be alright with it was beyond Makoto. He was feeling utterly miserable for all the problems and inconveniences he was causing. It showed. Right before Makoto had entered his classroom, Haru had cornered him apparently searching for him during the lunch period.

Makoto was overwhelmed with a cloudy blue as Haru searched his face for any signs that would let him know that his best friend was close to breaking. Fortunately, Makoto had learned to reign in his feelings when he needed to-plus his small breakdown prior to the weekend was much worse than this.

Haru shot Kisumi an unreadable look when he passed by them and Makoto busied himself with trying to console Haru before they parted ways for class. He remembered once when they were kids Haru picked a fight with some of the other children when he'd found out one of them had taken Makoto's lunch.

He was sad over his lost lunch but he was sadder when Haru had come back to him with bruises scraps of lunch in hand. He had spent the entire weekend helping Haru's mom nurse him back to health.

“Haru really it's okay. Everything is getting sorted out.”

“So Kisumi did do something.” Haru turned around to stomp back to the classroom, Makoto reaching out and gripping his shirt.

“Haru, no. No. Please.” He turned back to look at him. “Kisumi didn't do anything wrong. It was me. I just….. haven't been a good friend to him. So I'm trying to fix things.”

Haru eyed him carefully, skepticism all over his face. He doubted Makoto, but it was all true. He was the one who was messing things up.

The bell rang, the two of them staring eachother down until Haru's shoulders loosened and he nodded. “It'll be okay, Makoto.”

“Thank you Haru.”

Makoto waited until he saw Haru enter his classroom before he entered his own. Repeating the mantra in his head. I'll fix things.

~(*)~

His mood followed him throughout the week. Everyone seemed to notice as they would talk to him carefully as if they were walking on eggshells. The teachers took pity on him and gave him a small break, mostly leaving him to study and take notes instead of having to participate in class.

Lunch break would be spent with Kisumi, mostly Kisumi telling him about his day and consoling Makoto when his mood would tip. For the most part, he tried to keep a chipper attitude atleast enough so that he could hold a conversation.

Haru, Kisumi, and Sousuke were all patient with him.

The weekend finally arrived and he'd ask Kisumi to join them at around two in the afternoon. Roughly two hours after he was to meet with Sousuke, so the both of them could talk through their dilemma.

Makoto was entering the cafe they agreed to meet up at, seeing Sousuke at a corner table away from everyone else. His steps felt like lead and more than anything he wanted to be back home, where he was comfortable, taken care of, safe.

“You looked ragged.” Sousuke frowned at him. A sheepish grin on his face, he shrugged helpless. “Been a long week, a lot on my mind.”

Sousuke looked just as tired.

“How's your new school?”

“It's fine. I'm getting the education I need. I keep pushing myself.” Makoto paused from taking a bite from the slice of cake on the table to send him a concerned look.

“Don't overwork yourself.” Sousuke laughed and shook his head, “I won't.”

They ate in silence for a few more moments, both of them working up the courage to address what they were really here for.

“My earliest memory-” He started, throat dry, almost choking on the cake, “-was when I was three years old, I think. I was playing with toys. I had a green blanket and a blue pillow. Green and blue building blocks.”

Makoto paused trying to recount the memory. “Everything else was a blur of grey.”

He could recount other memories, other days. Blue. Green. Black. White. Grey. Playing with other children. Smiling. Laughing.

Not a care in the world. Only knowing that his bond with his soulmate would be special. Was special. Is special.

He'd be lying if he said some part of him didn't hope it'd be Haru. Haru was special.

Haru who was there since the day he was born. His mothers had known eachother before their births a few years prior when his family had moved to Iwatobi.

Haru who's always been with me. His family bringing the two together for play dates frequently. Makoto taking to him like fish to water. Haru accepting him like the air that they breathed.

Haru who offered his hand first. The picture taken of the first time they met. Two small babies, one reaching for the other, the other accepting.

Haru who protected him from his fears. A line of people heading to the pier, somber, dry faces. Makoto hiding, shaking. Why. Why. Why. Haru who stood strong by his hand, hand grasping his offering his strength to the meek boy by his side. Standing between him as a barrier meant to shield him.

Haru who was the blue to his green. Haru who was just special to Makoto in every sense of the word. Sometimes he'd heard how it wasn't unusual for lines to get blurred when it came to friends and romance, soulmates and friends.

Makoto just always thought the line was meant to be blurred. There was never a time in his life that he didn't think Haru was special.

He still did.

“I met him in elementary school,” Sousuke picked at the slice of cake. “We were in the same class. I looked at him and the world changed. One minute it was dull, the next color began to drip. Like those watercolour paintings you see. It started out dull, wet, barely noticeable. But as time went out, the shades began to grow stronger, vibrant. I felt…. Happy.”

Makoto pushed the cake closer to Sousuke.

“But then nothing else came. Reds and oranges. Bright, fierce colours,” He let a small smile onto his face, “It fit knowing him. Then it became wrong. Because that's not how this worked. That's not how the colour system worked.”

What a familiar sentence.

“I tried…. Asking about it once.” Sousuke's expression glazed over, remembering. “I remember asking my mom if there'd ever been anyone with two soulmates. She got this confused look on her face and asked me what brought it up. I didn't have the heart to tell her it was me. She just said that there'd never been anyone with two soulmates to her knowledge. That if such a thing happened, she didn't know why.”

Makoto squirmed in his seat. Sousuke was brave. He'd ask one of the questions that plagued him since the day he realized. He never asked himself because if people pried, he wouldn't know how to explain. He wouldn't know how to defend himself if it came down to it.

_Weak._

“You-You never told him? Your friend?”

Sousuke shrugged. “Didn't see the point to. I didn't do anything for him. I… I didn't want to bother him with my problem because how could he help me?” Makoto watched as his expression shifted, quiet defeat on his face. “He's…. I can't disappoint him like that, you know?”

Makoto nodded, understanding.

He didn't want to show how broken he really was to the person who mattered to him the most.

“So I kept quiet. I grew bitter.” Sousuke pushed the cake slice back to Makoto. “On some level, I grew to resent soulmates.”

They were different in that sense.

Sousuke who began to branch out to try to define himself without being defined by soulmates. Sousuke who didn't need a soulmate. Unlike Makoto who clung to the idea of soulmates. Who felt fragile and irreparable without having the word to try to explain who-what-he was.

“Sometimes… I wish we didn't have it. Maybe it'd be easier on us if we weren't define by who was meant to be our other half.” He quietly mumbled. “But I can't let myself think like that, because if I start to think of who I am without it, I get scared. This is all I've ever come to know and learning I can't even get that right…. It's scary Sousuke. Feeling this. I wish I could be just be Makoto, but Makoto doesn't mean anything without colours.”

His hands shook as he reached for his drink. Heart pounding in his chest.

_Worthless. Useless. Broken._

_What good are you to the people who matter._

_You're nothing._

“But I can't do it. Because-” Blue, he thought of blue, “Because these colours mean so much to me. I love these colours, Sousuke.”

Reds, oranges, purples, yellows, pinks, greens.

Sousuke stared back at him, leaning back in his seat and offering a similar smile to his own. Broken acceptance of an unwilling, unmoving reality.

“There isn't a day where I'm not thankful for them, Makoto.”

~(*)~

Makoto had to take a breather after their talk. Sousuke gave him his moment, seemingly waiting for their third party to arrive.

He'd seemed surprised that Makoto had invited someone seeing as to his much he really wanted to keep things between them hush hush. Makoto just said that he needed him to meet Sousuke.

He kept his head down as he sorted himself out, staring at the ice melting in his glass. The politely declined a refill for the moment.

Sousuke knows.

Sousuke understands.

We're both broken.

The door jingled and he looked up seeing a flash of pink.

“Kisumi!” He called out. The other bounded over, eyes flicking over the other side of the table and stopping.

“Sousuke?”

“Kisumi!” Makoto looked between them stupefied. They knew eachother. He stared speechlessly as Kisumi pulled up a chair and began to engage Sousuke in conversation.

“Oh wow! It's so good to see you! I haven't seen you since elementary school.”

“It wasn't that long ago, Kisumi.”

“It's felt like ages for me.”

Sousuke opened his mouth to retort before his eyes flicked back over to Makoto who's stayed quiet throughout this entire ordeal. Kisumi got the hint and turned his attention to the brunette. Gears turning, Kisumi turned back to Sousuke with a wide smile.

“You're Makoto's soulmate!”

“You invited Kisumi?” Sousuke sputtered.

Makoto wriggled his hands together glancing between them, before nodding. Sousuke kept his curious gaze unwavering.

“Kisumi is… Uhm...” He didn't know how to explain. Didn't know where to begin. His lungs felt like they were shrinking on themselves.

_Soulmate. I'm his soulmate._

_No I'm not._

_You are._

_You truly, truly are._

“Makoto's my soulmate.”

His head snapped towards Kisumi who sat at his side. A coy smile on his smile as he gauged Sousuke's reaction.

Sousuke's expression became unreadable, a frown on his face. “That's not funny Kisumi.”

“It's true,” He shrugged, leaning back in his chair. “He's my soulmate-” Makoto could see him watching him from the corner of his eye, “-but I'm not his soulmate.:

It took a moment but Makoto nodded, breath shuddering, “I believe him.” His hands clenched the edge of the table, keeping his gaze on the table top. Too afraid to see the other's reactions.

The moment dragged on, endlessly stretching for him, letting his mind think the worse.

_He doesn't believe us. Probably thinks we're crazy._ Heart thundering in his chest, head hurting.

_Now he'll hate us. He'll never want to talk to us. The only person who understood the fear of colours._ The room began to shrank, darkness enveloping his vision, consuming him.

_I messed up. This was a bad decision. Ruined yourself, Makoto._

“Makoto!”

He flinched at the touch on his shoulder, looking up eyes wide and frantic. Sousuke and Kisumi looked back at him concern on their faces.

“We've been calling you,” Sousuke leaned forward looking over him.

“Calm down, Makoto.” Kisumi murmured, using a napkin to dab at the sweat on his forehead. Makoto clenched and unclenched his hands, room still spinning, shrinking on him. He had to force himself to breath, just going through the motions, or else he felt like he'd suffocate.

Sousuke left the table to go order another drink, sending Makoto another worried glance before he left. Kisumi continued to murmur words to him, hand on his wrist, squeezing gently to let him know he was here.

He could only sit still and wait for the rocking of the world to leave him.

“We're here, we've got you.”

Sousuke came back placing the drink infront of him and scooting his chair closer. “Here, maybe this will help.”

He shook his head, biting his lip, forcing a breath out. Makoto stared at his shaking hands.

“I messed up.” The words said through clenched teeth. “You're upset. You understood. Now you hate me.”

“No, not at all.” Surprise flickered over his face, Sousuke shaking his head slightly. “No, I don't hate you Makoto. I promise. I was just surprised.”

“But I messed up. I mean… How could…. How did I….”

“Soulmates are such a fickle thing, don't you think Sousuke?” Kisumi spoke from his other side. “We're told so many things that we don't even know the true meaning of them anymore.”

“Kisumi...”

“What's a soulmate, Sousuke?”

Something flashed in his eyes and he looked away for a moment. “I don't know. I don't know.”

“What about you, Makoto?”

He shook his head. No. Never. When did he ever know. “No.”

“I don't know either. But that's okay.” He consoled the both of them. “We don't have to know right now. We don't need all the answers all the time.”

Makoto and Sousuke turned to stare at him. Kisumi gave them a strained smile, his true self making a small appearance. He was as broken up about this too.

“We'll be okay. We will be okay. Soulmates, colours, we don't know all the answers right now.”

Makoto opened his mouth to object. But…! But…!

“I think he's right.”

He turned his gaze to Sousuke, looking equally as pained. “We've been beating ourselves up over this trying to get answers that may not even come right away.”

“But the world-”

“The world is different than us. We're different from the world.” Sousuke cut him off before Makoto could break himself down even more. “We have to do this ourselves.”

Makoto stared, trying to absorb the information. Half of him refuting, already trying to build up an argument, the other half accepting it wanting to give himself a break he'd denied for years. They were different.

“We'll get our answers, Makoto.”

Sousuke and Kisumi stared back at him, realizing they just wanted what's best for him. Out of the three of them, he was hurting the most.

Sousuke who saw colours before his soulmate. Who understood his fear and conflict. Who had come to resent the system. Who'd accepted his defeat before he even tried fighting.

Kisumi who met the person who was meant to complete him. Only to learn that it didn't go both ways. Who was willing to take him as he was, even if he couldn't be what the world told he would.

Makoto who for all his love and adoration of colours, feared them to his very core. Who teetered between knowing what he wanted, what was his, and wanting more that the world may never give him.

He relaxed in his chair, tired. Kisumi pulled his hand away.

“We'll be okay, Makoto.” They mumbled to him.

Makoto felt like they would be, even if it was going to be a long time from now.

~(*)~

The past week left him more scars than the four years had. From life changing revelations to his heart breaking for other people who'd already accepted what was.

He still didn't know where he stood. Accept defeat. Try holding out a bit longer for a bit of light. Was it selfish to want both? It felt like either choice was out of his reach regardless.

Soulmate.

What was a soulmate.

What defined a soulmate.

What did it feel like.

The questions still rang in his head as he walked back home. He and Sousuke had let Kisumi in on their situation, surprising the pink haired boy. He only laughed saying something along the lines of “we really don't fit the bill, do we.”

They really didn't. In some ways it comforted him. He wasn't alone. They'd understand, all for varying reasons. But together it seemed they'd been screwed over by the soulmate system.

He wanted to laugh but he also wanted to cry.

The walk to his house was a long one, giving him plenty of time to cool down and collect himself. The ocean was by his side stretching farther than he could reach, could see. He stopped to stare at it.

The ocean was unaffected by his troubles, unlike the people around him. The ocean independent of all human worries, living by its own rules. White waves crashing against the pale yellow of the sand. The sun striking the water, hues of red, orange, yellow covering the blue of the water.

How lucky to be free like that, he thought resuming his walk back home.

Makoto dimly wondered how he'd explain to his mom this time why he looked so haggard. Only to pause once he reached his home.

Haru.

The boy sat on the staircase, clearly having waited for him. How long had he been there?

“Your mom says it's okay to stay over.” Blue pinning him, only for Haru to stand and walk up the steps to his home. Makoto stared at his back watching as he went, only to follow him a few moments after.

“Haru-”

“I made green curry and I washed the futon.” He stopped at the top of the stairs, looking down on him. Helplessly and curiously, he could only nod and took those last few steps, stopping at the one right under Haru's.

“Haru.”

Haru stared back at him, watching, analyzing. He knows. Makoto must've looked like a mess, he felt ashamed.

A hand reached out, touching his face, brushing back his hair. “Lets go inside, Makoto.” He followed that back like he had all the years before him.

Dinner was a quiet affair, neither talking. Haru refraining from prying and Makoto too tired to talk. The curry was wonderful as always. Aside that it was his favourite dish, Haru was a force to be reckoned with in the kitchen.

Haru washed the dishes to let him take a quick shower. He only paused to see if Haru really did set out a futon for him. He did.

Once the task finished, he walked inside Haru's room seeing the boy already in his bed. He crawled into the futon. Haru turned off the light and he stared at the ceiling.

Minutes later to see rustling, fear spiking, Makoto turned to call out to him, only to yelp in surprise.

“Haru!” The other boy had crawled from his bed over to the futon on the floor. He didn't provide any answers only to shove himself inside. He scooted over to give him more room.

“Haru-your bed is bigger than the futon-” He began to chastise, “Really. I don't-”

Arms wrapped around him, holding him tight.

“Wha-” Makoto's ears began to burn.

“Makoto,” Haru's voice cut through the darkness, through the loud beats of his heart. “It's okay…. It'll be okay.”

He hesitated for a moment, before he returned the hold. Haru scooted closer, letting Makoto bury his face in his shoulder.

“You don't know that,” He mumbled, voice muffled by Haru's shirt.

“It will be. I promise. Whatever it is that's hurting you, we'll solve it. So don't hide anymore okay?”

_Don't hide yourself from me. Your troubles are my troubles._

_What if we never solve it?_

_We will. The answer may not be infront of us now, but we'll find it. I promise._

Makoto tightened his hold, body shaking, silent sobs. “Haru...”

“I am here for you, Makoto. You can cry here.”

Hands ran up and down his back, soothing him. The other pressed against his creating a shield from the worries of the world around them. The light gone from the room, away from prying eyes, hiding them.

Makoto let himself go.

Haru was quiet, just holding him. Being his pillar of strength. His shield. Resting his head against his, Makoto could feel the back of his neck tickle from where Haru's hair touched his skin.

_It'll be okay, Makoto._

_I trust you. I trust you._

He felt asleep that way, clinging to the body of his utmost important person. The one who understood him best even now when Makoto himself knew absolutely nothing. Arms around him, soothing, comforting, safe.

_Home._

“Goodnight, Makoto.” Sleep pulled him in, unafraid of the darkness this one time. The feeling of lips pressed against his forehead staying with him throughout the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a doozy to write, even now I'm not entirely sure if I pulled it off as well as I hoped. I thought I knew where I wanted to go in this chapter, but as I began to write it, it began to escape me and sort of became its own thing. But either way I hope you enjoyed it! This chapter is significantly longer than the previous chapters, about the length I hope to keep writing for the story from here on out. I hope the dynamics between each of the characters are becoming clearer to you guys as well as how utterly lost Makoto really is about his situation. It makes me wonder if any of you guys have figured out the titles I put for each chapter. Your guys response to the last chapter was overwhelming and I can't thank you guys enough for each of your comments, kudos, favs. It really does make me happy to know that so many of you are enjoying the story so far. Really, it blew my mind and really warmed my heart.
> 
> There were a few scenes I had wanted to add into this chapter, but somehow couldn't find a way to fit it in. Which brings up a question I have for you guys! Would you be interested in seeing those scenes that I've had to leave out? It'd be in a side story compilation thing that you guys would be able to read as I focus on this story. An example would be Makoto's trip that he missed out on (which I'm sure you've all figured out who met who) and what happened there. POV's would be varying so you'd be able to see other character's thoughts and feelings at certain points! Let me know what you think!
> 
> Constructive criticism is always appreciate and if you see any mistakes, please let me know. Thank you reading and have a nice day!
> 
> Feel free to reach me on my tumblr: http://lazymatsu.tumblr.com/


	6. Brave

Makoto often wonders what does home feel like. There are various answers people give. Sometimes they say home is the place you go to at the end of the day, other times they say their home is a person. The one they love is the place where they belong, there need no other place than by their side.

He wonders if it’s alright to make a person your home. That’s a lot of pressure to put on a person because what if things change? Some feelings are resolute, stand against time, other times not. What of the person being called a home? Do they want to be considered home to someone? What do you do when they don’t?

Makoto thinks of things like this often. They cause him endless and unnecessary worry but he likes knowing how he feels about certain subjects. If he doesn’t, well that’s trouble right there.

So he gets worried when he thinks of Haru as his home. He knows Haru won’t mind, doesn’t mind. He knows he and Haru will be together til the end of time, their relationship is too strong to break under something as fickle as an uncertainty of home. But it’s the matter of placing that faith in Haru that makes him anxious. 

For if Haru is his home, what does he do when he becomes too afraid to go to it. 

~(*)~

He wakes up in a tangle of limbs and skin on skin. Waking up is a slow process, mostly because Makoto likes to sleep in when he can.

There are arms around him, loose enough for him to wiggle and be free. He hears-feels- Haru’s breathing in his ear. Soft, quiet, barely noticeable if it weren’t right there. Makoto’s nose is buried in Haru’s neck, if he moves he’s sure he could just tickle him awake by accident.

There’s noise outside if he strains to listen. Probably the typical noise you hear in their neighborhood; people, stray animals, maybe the occasional car or two.

Makoto blinks, glancing up at the ceiling above them and wonders what time is it. Early? Late? It’s the weekend so it isn’t too much of a problem. He’s not sure he wants to leave this small little bubble they’ve created either.

He stays like that for a bit longer, just relishing in this small peace. His mind has been a mess as of late, so the reprieve is more than welcomed. 

His arms are wound around Haru giving Makoto a moment to realize how small he is compared to him. The growth spurt he’d been experiencing due to puberty had caused to sprout; growing taller, gaining more muscle. His dad had laughed it off and said it was natural.

But Haru was thinner than he was, slimmer, prettier. He probably would’ve bristled if he knew what Makoto was thinking. He’s sure though that anyone else would agree.

Haru was just beautiful.

Makoto wondered how he looked next to Haru seeing as he was just a hulking mass of muscle-which hopefully would stop soon. He let out a soft breath and pressed his nose to Haru’s collar bone. Maybe he was ruining Haru’s image. The alluring, eye catching aura his best friend gave off. 

Makoto would deny it-mostly out of embarassment- but he certainly had moments where he thought he could watch Haru all day. Haru was just that mesmerizing to him. 

The arms around him tightened for a moment, pulling him closer before loosening up. Hands reached up, fingers ghosting over his cheek, his eyes, before pushing back his bangs.

Makoto looked up meeting Haru’s gaze. He smiled, truthfully, “Good morning Haru.”

Haru’s fingers lingered, threading through brown locks methodically. “Un.”

~(*)~

Staring in wonder Makoto’s mouth salivated at the sight of the breakfast in front of him. Freshly made omelettes, miso soup, and rice. He hadn’t expected it, fully believing Haru would’ve made his usual mackerel and rice breakfast.

“Wah! This looks so delicious Haru!” 

The other made a noise, saying thanks before digging in. Makoto continued on staring.

“It’ll get cold Makoto.”

“I know,” He picked up his chopsticks, sending his own thanks, “But it’s just so… different.”

“You like this food.”

His chopsticks were a hair away from his mouth when it finally occurred to Makoto what was going on.

Priority Weekend.

The tradition of putting one’s focus entirely on the other for an entire weekend had started when they were very young, probably not even five yet. The Nanase and Tachibana families had been planning to go to a waterpark when Haru had caught a cold at the last second.

Needless to say the trip was cancelled in favor of making sure he got better. Haru had been mopey all weekend having looked forward to the trip. At one point, he even got all dressed and insisted they try go. His parents laughed and ushered him back to bed.

Makoto who only wanted the good things for is friend was there by his side helping him through his cold, beck and call. He never strayed from Haru’s side for more than ten minutes even going so far as to sleep over ignoring the possibility of catching Haru’s cold (he did catch it immediately after Haru got better).

Now the concept of putting an entire weekend to caring for one another is common practice to them. It doesn’t happen often, but the attention is still fully appreciated.

It’s something between the two of them where they just show how much they care for one another.

Makoto stares a Haru eyes bright, “Haru!”

Haru turns away from his smile, cheeks dusted with pink, “Idiot.”

~(*)~

_There’s a festival this weekend. You guys should come :B_

“What kind of face is that?”

“I think Rin’s trying to replicate his teeth.” Either way Haru and Makoto stare at the emote a lot longer than they should.

“Do you want to go Haru?”

“Do you?” 

Makoto hums and remembers that it's his wants and needs that take priority this weekend. A festival sounds fun, but he’s not too sure if he wants to handle the amount of people that come with people.

He knows very well that he’ll just be another face in the crowd

His fingers hover the keypad. It’d be easy to say yes, to type out yes, yet something still stops him. Something still makes him hesitate.

A hand reaches out and pull the phone out of his hand, he must’ve taken too long. Haru sets the phone on the table top, leaning himself against Makoto. “Don’t force yourself to reply.”

“But we’re gonna keep Rin waiting.”

“It’s fine.”

“It’s not!” 

“I never reply to Rin.” Makoto purses his lips and wants to retort, ‘Haru you never reply to anyone.’

“I think he’d want us to go.” Haru doesn’t remove his head from his shoulder, and shrugs all the same. “If you want to go.”

It times like these Makoto wishes he had some direction. Even though he knows full well his decision is the most important one right now, he doesn’t want to make a decision that everyone else is unhappy with. It’s the people pleaser in him, which even he can admit he gets exasperated with.

He wonders if Sousuke is going, if he remembers correctly he lives in an area close to Rin’s. Not that he’d ever been to Rin’s house but he knows enough to guess the area. Sousuke doesn’t look like the type to go out to festivals, but Sousuke’s also a lot gentler than he looks.

The urge to text both Kisumi and Sousuke had been nagging him all morning, wondering if they were both okay. Yesterday’s talk had left him drained in every sense of the word and he was worried maybe the other two were putting up fronts for his sake.

They had parted ways with the promise of another meet up. Makoto had been the one most emotionally distraught during their talk. Makoto was the only one who would let himself feel his anguish. Which was fine. He’d be happy to bear all their worries, hurt, and frustration, because he didn’t want them hurting like he was hurting. 

He set the phone down, moving to lay down on the living room floor. Haru moved with him, snuggled up against him.

“Can we go Haru?”

“Idiot.”

“Yeah, I guess I am.”

~(*)~

_Are you okay?_

_I hope you’re well!_

_My friend made me such a nice breakfast today :D_

He presses backspace once more and erases the message. He’s fiddling with his phone, typing and erasing could-be messages, constantly switching between Kisumi and Sousuke’s contacts. Whatever words he wants to say aren’t coming to him leaving him in an odd standstill of how to approach them.

He thinks otherwise once his message is typed up, maybe they don’t want to talk about it? Sometimes it’s good to let something drop for a moment, give yourself a reprieve before going back to it. So maybe space is a good thing. On the other hand, he doesn’t want to come off as neglectful and ignorant. Sousuke and Kisumi are his friends and his friends will always be a priority in his mind.

Their well being are something he’s always going to care about.

Makoto stares at the front door, absentmindedly flipping his phone open and closed. He decides to drop the message, figuring maybe the time to themselves will help. He hopes it does atleast.

A glance towards the stairs reveals Haru still hasn’t come down and he has to fight the urge to laugh because he knows Haru is probably picking out a swimsuit to wear.

The thought gives him comfort. Even in his times of unease and confusion, Haru will always be Haru and knowing that familiarity will never change brings about a calmness he hasn’t experienced in a while.

_Ding!_

_Where do you want to meet up?_

Makoto blinks and this time he does laugh. He’d never actually confirmed with Rin that they were going, mostly on the notion that they’d surprise him, but Rin is Rin. 

He types out a response, something along the lines of they’ll look for him when they’re there. Makoto has no expectations of the festival, has no idea what’s going to be there. The anonymity is welcomed this time.

The colours will be there, but they’ve been there at every festival he’s attended. There’ll be more than he last remembered and maybe that’ll be a good thing. Maybe at this festival he can gain some memories of colours which leave him happy.

Makoto can hope to his core. 

“I’m ready.” Haru announces startling him. 

“You scared me!”

“Pay attention then.” Haru walks head opening the door for the both of them. Makoto narrows his eyes. 

“Did you lock your doors?” The ravenette keeps quiet, Makoto turning to head to the back door, his laugh echoing in the hallways. 

~(*)~

“There’s so many people…!” His hand is gripping the back of Haru’s shirt as they navigate through the crowd. Makoto sticks close to Haru not wanting to get lost. The faces blur together, but the sight of everything else sticks out to him. 

The stalls, the music, the games. It’s all familiar but all different.

The new colours leave him breathless. He’s never seen so much red, orange, and yellow in his life-although he could argue that about any other colour he’d recently been exposed to. Those three encompass the majority of his vision though.

“Haru what should we do first?” He speaks a little louder to talk over the noise from the crowd. Haru looks over at him, staring.

Makoto blinks and he looks around once more, before pointing to a mask stall. There’s an assortment lined up and they look interesting.

Haru leads them over without question and thus the two start their small adventure at the festival.

~(*)~

Makoto ended up choosing a mask which resembled a cartoon character he saw on TV. It looked like the main character on a show he watched with the twins-one of the bigger factors he chose this mask and it certainly had nothing to do with the other masks spooking him a little too much- and he knew the twins would love it.

He stands awkwardly by himself waiting for Haru to come back with food. The other had seen a stall with something promising-he hopes it isn’t mackerel- and left to go grab some.

People pass him by, paying him no mind, lost within their own business and this gives him time to really soak things in. It’s been a long time since he’d been able to enjoy himself and while they’ve really only just arrived, Makoto’s content with the idea of losing himself to the festival. To be someone who isn’t Makoto Tachibana, an unknown face and name amongst others. The thought of not worrying, not thinking, to just enjoy.

It’s almost weird to think about because he’s so used to worrying about them. These faceless moments are few and far inbetween, that he almost feels like he’s lying to himself when he experiences, but it’s not that. Never that. The colourless moments, the colorful moments, all of them mean so much to him. It’s a matter of how well he can handle these moments and every time he thinks he knows the answer, life throws him for a loop.

Something catches his eye and Makoto turns to see a jewelry stand. Just a small stand that sells rings and other little accessories; it’s a common sight at festivals like these.

He moves closer wanting to see all the trinkets lined up. He stands behind a group of kids who are eager to spend their money on a memento to keep.

Necklaces hang from small stands, ring sitting brightly on the table, bracelets sparkling atop of a small case, other things amongst them.

“I want this one!”

“No, I wanted that one!”

Little kids push against eachother and the merchant sits back patiently waiting. He’s a frailer looking old man and Makoto’s reminded of the old fisherman he befriended when he was younger.

He looks back at the merchandise and picks up a ring on impulse. It’s a simplistic looking ring, just a silver band with a beautiful looking stone. Probably no bigger than a small pebble, it’s a mix hued of blue and green. A sea stone maybe?

Makoto has not even the slightest bit of knowledge on rocks or jewelry, other than they look pretty, are usually expensive, and that bigger the stone, the more expensive it probably is. Or atleast that’s what his dad has mumbled about once or twice.

The ring is too small for his own hand-curse his fat fingers, but he wants it. Makoto thinks he’d like to keep it. It’s really nothing fancy, even the stone is something easily overlooked, but once it has your attention, it seems to keep it.

Then on a wild thought, he thinks the ring would look nice on Haru.

Makoto blinks, almost drops the ring, but catches it in some clumsy fumble.

 _Does Haru even like jewelry?_ He’d never made any mention or attention to them, Makoto thinks head starting to feel a little fuzzy. The thought of gifting Haru something he might not even like makes him nervous, but he does think the ring would look good on him.

He reaches out to put it back on the table, hesitating as it hovers over the ring’s original place.

“Uh-” He starts, ring still in grasp. The merchant’s been watching him for a while, seemingly the only one who really wants to buy anything. Makoto licks his lips, “How much..?” The owner relays the price and still Makoto is hesitating.

“Makoto?”

He startles, nearly dropping the ring again. His attention moves and sees a face he didn’t expect so soon.

“Sousuke!”

~(*)~

Sousuke’s spares a glance at the ring he bought on impulse. Makoto ducks his head, tinkering with it. There’s a chain dangling from Sousuke’s pocket where he bought a bracelet. It was beaded, a mixture of reds and browns.

“You going to give that to someone?”

“Maybe.” He’s not sure. He wants to. The fear of Haru rejecting it, or accepting it out of courtesy terrifies him. Makoto feels like he should know better, after all this is Haru he’s talking about. Haru who he knows better than anyone else.

Atleast… He feels like he should.

Makoto can see where lines blur and thicken. Makoto is Haru’s best friend, he knows that without a fact. He knows without a doubt, he’ll be in Haru’s life forever like Haru is in his. 

But there’s certain lines he can’t cross as his best friend and as not being Haru’s soulmate-atleast he feels that way. Because there’s some things he won’t be able to understand or give to Haru because he isn’t his soulmate.

It’s a silly notion, stemming all from just a simple ring. But sometimes it’s the smallest things that cause the biggest ripples.

“I don’t know if it’ll fit.” The ring doesn’t fit him, but Haru’s fingers are more slender than his. “I’d like to though.”

Sousuke sends him a small smile.

“Are you going to give that bracelet to your person?” Makoto straightens up a bit, looking at Sousuke curiously. He takes a second to really look at him, and per usual Sousuke shows no signs of any distress from the day before.

Maybe he really does fuss over everyone too much.

“Not right now,” Sousuke shakes his head, “It doesn’t seem like the right time to give it to him.” He kicks at the dirt in front of him, “I.. want it to be special.”

Makoto stares and nods, understanding yet again that Sousuke’s person means the world to him. Special could mean anything, but he knows Sousuke means it on a different level with his person. After all, they’re his number one.

And when someone is your number one, you just want the best for them.

“I didn’t think I’d see you here though,” He shoots Makoto a baffled look.

“We were invited. Our friend sent us a text inviting us to come meet up with him.” They still hadn’t seen him yet though.

Makoto yelps and looks around widly. Haru! He’d been waiting for Haru. He’s not sure where he is, having followed Sousuke, and he’s not even sure if Haru brought his phone. Biting his lip, he worries that maybe Haru is looking for him as frantically as he is for him.

“I lost him!” He turns to Sousuke, wide eyed, “I’m lost.”

Sousuke’s staring at him as equally wide eyes and just as confused, “Lost who?”

“My friend-we came together, but he told me to wait and left, and now I’m here-” Makoto’s not sure what he’s saying, just that he’s rambling in panic. Sousuke seems to be keeping up somehow. “I have to go look-” 

“Makoto!”

He turns at the sound of his name, thinking for one moment it must be Haru.

It isn’t. But the sight isn’t unwelcomed.

Familiar mop of red hair and sharp teeth come bounding up to him. Out of breath he leans on his knees mumbling something he can’t hear, but it’s probably sass.

“Rin!”

It isn’t Makoto who calls his name and he watches with fascination and shock as Sousuke walks over and helps his friend straighten up. He takes note of the furrow of his brows, the concern in his eyes, the way his hands seem to linger on Rin’s person-barely but so.

 _Ah,_ Makoto thinks dazily, _this must be Sousuke’s person._ Rin is waving off Sousuke, insisting he’s fine and that he was just run around too much.

“Sorry Rin, I got distracted. Sousuke kept me company.”

Rin turns to him, a mix of irritation and exasperation on his face, and Makoto straightens up instinctively. He opens his mouth to say something when a flicker flashes across his face. Red eyes glance between the two of them, looking more and more confused.

“You two know eachother?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SO SO SO SORRY!!  
> I know this update is super late and I terribly apologize for how long it took me to get this out. I had to rewrite this chapter three times and I'm not satisfied with it at all. Of course I blame myself for feeling like I lost characterization of these guys and not having written anything for it for so long, I struggled into getting back to it. This chapter has some stuff going for it, mostly just things to move things along. People are finally meeting eachother! If this chapter isn't what you hoped for, I'm sorry! Hopefully the next one will please you!
> 
> Of course, I have to thank every single one of you who continue to support the story and have waited patiently for an update. I know it isn't much, but it's definitely leading into things I know you guys have been waiting for. Even over the course of my disappearance, people have continued to give kudos and comments and I really can't thank you guys enough. My winter break is finally starting and I've already started writing the next chapter as well as the "side story" which will contain all the missing scenes and extra little bits, so do keep an eye out for that.
> 
> Constructive criticism is appreciated and always welcomed. Please point out any mistakes, and thank you again for reading and supporting! To those going through their finals, goodluck! You'll do great! 
> 
> For those curious why I disppeared; my computer started going through some issues and unfortunately lost all my files (which is one of the reasons I took so long since I lost all my notes and drafts for this story), as well as me going through some health issues as well-which have all been sorted and taken care of! And school, school is gross.


	7. Begging

Fire has always been terrifying. From its bright flames that shine so brightly. To the heat that scorches the air around him. The burns left on your skin from its touch. It consumes and consumes and consumes till all that’s left is just crumbles of what used to be. Unrecognizable remnants. There is fear in its flames.

There’s more to fire than just destruction.

Fire can be life, warmth, a small glow in the darkness to guide you. It can be temptation, yearning to be touched. Igniting you, filling you to the brim, with feeling so overwhelming it leaves you gasping for air. It’s passion.

To understand though, one has to be willing to get burned.

~(*)~

Rin walks between the two of them, his chatter filling the air. Makoto returns it with his own, a smile plastered on his face. Sousuke walks with them quietly only offering bits and pieces to the conversation when he feels the need to add something.

There something lodged in his throat and it feels as if an entire weight was placed in his stomach, but he keeps the smile, the distress, from showing on his face. His heart beats erratically and he’s not sure how he manages to keep up the act, but he is. Sousuke reads him well enough to glance at him ever so often, ready to haul him away if things go awry.

It seems yesterday’s distress wasn’t just something Makoto was worrying about, but Sousuke too.

“But seriously you two knew eachother and didn’t tell me!”

“We didn’t know we all knew eachother,” Sousuke cuts in smoothly, seemingly have taken on the role of answering any and all questions relating to Makoto and his relationship. Good thing as Makoto wasn’t sure how he’d explain it anyways.

“I just came to visit and we ended up bumping into eachother. We’re friends now and that’s good right?”

“Yeah, but if I’d known sooner, we could’ve met up earlier!” Rin protests seemingly grumpy from being ‘left out of the loop’.

Makoto didn’t want them to meet sooner and that’s a terrifying feeling to know. He feels absolutely terrified right now.

He’d wanted to keep them separated, Haru, Rin, Sousuke. It’s not that he doesn’t want them to be friends, he does, he absolutely does, but he thinks-feels-having that separator, that unawareness helped him. In his head he could keep Sousuke and his problems away from those around him. He wouldn’t rat him out and even now Sousuke’s willing to comply to his wishes.

He gets it now, understands even more, why Sousuke was so…. Disappointed when he met Haru, when he meant Rin’s soulmate. There was a barrier there, an uncrossable delusion that protected him.

Makoto’s afraid he’ll slip up, he’ll say something he didn’t want them to know, and then what?

 _What comes next?_ He doesn’t know, he never knows.

“I bumped into Haru a little while ago,” Rin turns his attention to him and Makoto’s smile falters into a sheepish grin, “He couldn’t find you and got worried.”

He laughs nervously, “I saw something and thought I’d check it out. I ended up bumping into Sousuke that way and lost track of everything.” Guilt pools in him for making Haru worry. “Sorry.”

“Nah, it’s a festival, no reason to keep you on a leash.”

Did Haru keep him on a leash? Did it come off that way? Sure, he and Haru were practically joined at the hip, but it wasn’t as if he was holding him hostage or anything. Makoto would follow Haru to the ends of the Earth, ordered to or not, because it made sense to him.

If anything, Makoto was the one who kept Haru tied to him. Constantly fussing and injecting himself there. Haru was very independent, even as a baby, so why did Makoto throw himself into that equation?

“It’s not like that, Rin.” He defends, blinking wide eyed. There’s something there, and he’s not entirely sure if Rin is insinuating it or if it’s just his weak, easily swayed heart, but it’s there. Planting something in him, doubt or revelation he cannot tell yet.

“Rin, where’d you leave Nanase?” Sousuke cuts in, directing his question to his friend, but his eyes are pinned on Makoto as if seeing the strings of his tangled mind getting more chaotic. Makoto stares back for a couple seconds thinking if he looks away immediately, it’ll show he’s scared.

“Hm? Oh by the curry stand, that’s where I found him.” Makoto breaks the gaze with that sentence to look forward, trying to school his features. It’s fine if his insides are a mess, so long as he can keep face on the outside, he reasons with himself.

This weekend is about him, his wants and his needs.

Maybe.

_No._

It’s never about him. It’s stupid of him to think that way. The world is still going to keep moving, even when Makoto wishes for it to stay stagnant. He’s stupid to think that somehow his problems would be important enough for merit.

He rubs the back of his neck, pinching himself to get a grip. He can see a mop of familiar black hair, sitting and waiting for him, in his hands are a couple of Styrofoam boxes. The smell of curry wafts over to him, making his mouth salivate and his stomach grumble.

Before he even realizes it, he’s moving ahead of Rin and Sousuke to meet up with Haru. He watches him from his spot, patiently waiting for Makoto to return to his side.

“Haru!”

“You’re late.”

Makoto blinks and zones in on the boxes in Haru’s hand. Oh.

“They’re cold now,” Still, Haru hands him one of the boxes, using his now free hand to tug Makoto down to sit next to him. He blinks owlishly, cheeks reddening in embarrassment.

“Sorry, Haru. I got distracted by the time I realized I wandered off, it was too late.” He takes the chopsticks offered to him, but doesn’t dare start eating. Not until he knows everything is clear with Haru.

The other opens the box of food for him, lifting it closer to his mouth. A signal for him to eat.

_It’s okay. You found me again._

Makoto stares for another moment, before nodding. “Un!”

“You’re seriously going to eat without us?” Before Makoto can even break his chopsticks, Rin and Sousuke are before him, one looking exasperated, and the other with a tight expression.

Haru’s mimics Sousuke once he catches sight of him, his lips pulled ever so slightly. A face he uses to display dissatisfaction.

“Nanase.”

“Yamazaki.”

Makoto glances between the two of them. He can be dense sometimes, but it doesn’t take a genius to know there’s some hostility between the two of them. 

“Ah, Haru,” He cuts in hastily, wanting to diffuse the tension. Rin looks indifferent, so he’s already expected this or-and Makoto hopes that’s not the case because it is so obvious-he doesn’t notice at all, “Sousuke was the one who kept me company while I wandered off. He showed me around.”

“Actually-did you know the two of them knew eachother Haru? Someone didn’t let me know.” The redhead shoots him an irritated look which Sousuke pointedly ignores.

“No,” His tone is flat, sliding his attention back to him. Makoto ignores whatever accusatory glint is in Haru’s eyes, feeling right in keeping Sousuke a secret. His secret. Their secret.

“I told you we bumped into eachother and became friends. It’s not like we were supposed to know that we both knew you.” Sousuke rolls his eyes heading towards a nearby food stand and getting in line. Makoto notes that it’s a yakitori stand and if memory serves him correctly, one of Rin’s favourite foods is meat.

He’s a bit in awe watching Rin and Sousuke interact with eachother. He’s heard numerous things from Sousuke about his person, some that conflict with his own experiences with the red head, but he’s thankful to finally know.

His eyes slide over to Rin who’s switching between making sure Sousuke stays in the line and teasing Haru about actually staying in one spot.

This person is Sousuke’s world.

This person is who let him see color.

Makoto can see it, why Sousuke saw red, orange, and yellows first. After all, meeting Rin in itself is like jumping into a pit of fire. He wonders if Rin lights up Sousuke as much as Haru soothes him.

The two together are an odd pair, but Makoto’s never ever-and will never ever- claim to be an expert on how the soulmate system works. Haru and Rin clash together in so many ways, but he’s always heard the saying opposites attract.

People tend to search for qualities they lack, or qualities that compliment them, in other people.

Makoto wonders if maybe Haru thinks he lacks something that Rin has. The idea is crazy to him. Haru isn’t without flaws, but he can’t imagine his best friend being insecure over something.

_That’s what a soulmate is though. They help you, you help them. It’s a two way trade. There’s more to this than you could ever understand, Makoto._

He breaks his chopsticks and takes his first bite into the curry. It leaves a horrible taste in his mouth and he knows it isn’t the food.

Makoto’s never claimed to be an expert in the soulmate system. But he thinks if he knew more than what he knew now, it’d be harsher facing the truth of it all. 

~(*)~

Sousuke holds out a stick of yakitori to him and he takes it. Makoto would offer it to Haru, but he pointedly takes a bite out of the curry that he can only smile while Sousuke gives him a look. 

He finishes it much faster than he finishes the curry-he isn’t even half way through the curry-which is something Haru definitely notices.

He chews slowly giving Makoto a long look. The brunette smiles and rubs his stomach nervously. “There’s just a lot of people, Haru.” It’s not a complete lie. Crowds have always been a little intimidating for him.

“Should we go somewhere quieter?”

“Haru we don’t know the area.” He refutes, the last thing he wants is the two of them getting lost in an unknown area. There’s probably someone who’d be willing to help them if they did lose their way, but they were still a good ways away from home and needed to make sure they caught the train back to Iwatobi in time.

“You know you guys could always spend the night here?” Rin chimes from his spot, holding three sticks of yakitori while he works on a fourth, “I live close by, Sousuke too, but me more.”

“It’s alright Rin, we wouldn’t want to trouble you,” Makoto shakes his head, wanting to reject Rin lightly, rather than outright saying he doesn’t feel comfortable to. He just wants to lay in a nice bed by the end of this night.

“You wouldn’t. My sister might be bringing some friends over and no way I want to listen to a bunch of screeching the entire night.”

“They’re still watching that show?”

“Re-runs! I can’t even get close to the TV because Gou’s on it all the time.” Rin complained.

“Don’t act like you don’t watch it too.”

“I don’t!”

“Mhm, so you weren’t humming the opening theme earlier?”

“That’s because it’s on so much,” Rin squawked trying to defend himself. Both Haru and him can see Rin’s cheeks reddening and the side eye Sousuke is giving him.

Makoto takes another bite of curry, finding it tastes a little better than before. Sousuke says nothing to refute him, opting to leave the conversation in his favor and Rin just continues to bark out defenses.

Rin and Sousuke are so vastly different from him and Haru, but at the same time there’s so many overlying similarities.

Where Makoto and Haru are comfortable side by side, Sousuke and Rin push eachother forward. Where two are quiet where they are, the other two are outspoken. One pair who’ve been together since the beginning, the other who found their way to eachother.

Both pairs who relied on their hands for strength and solidarity.

He can’t deny they’re similar in other ways though. Sousuke and Haru choosing to be a silent presence next to Rin and himself, respectively, who are considered the more outspoken one of the pair. Sousuke and Haru choose to let their actions speak for their feelings, while he and Rin would rather talk about what’s on their mind.

Rin and Haru who always know what they want, whether that’s a goal for the future, or just choosing to swim all day. Haru and Rin who rarely faltered in their steps, and continued to move forward.

Sousuke and Makoto who hung in the back, their pace slow, filled with doubt and frustration. Who felt they got the short end of the stick, but do nothing about it. Who feel they have to be content with what they have, because there’s nothing else for them beyond eachother.

The thought shook him, causing him to accidentally bite his tongue mid swallow. Makoto let out a noise, forcing the food down, while simultaneously coughing up a lung.

A hand was on his back, slapping lightly to push whatever was clogged in his throat. He shook his head lightly, hearing Haru hiss about water, while Rin ran up to go grab some from a nearby vendor.

As he’s gulping down water, Haru’s hand never leaving his back continuing to rub soothing circles, he lets them believe that his eyes are watery because he choked on his food, and nothing more.

There’s a knowing glint in Sousuke’s eyes, but he feigns ignorance as Makoto wants him to.

~(*)~

Haru has this indescribable face whenever he looks at water. And only for water. He wishes he could put the words together; admiration, love, loyalty, acceptance? They feel right but not in their entirety. Makoto could go on and on about Haru and his relationship for the water, but maybe taking a few words from Haru would suffice it all together.

“I accept the water and the water accepts me.”

He thinks that fits it quite well, and there’s no real other way to put it.

Makoto’s relationship with water is rocky, but if not considerate. He’s never had the attachment to water Haru has, atleast not in the ethereal sense, but Makoto loves the water too. The water joined him and his friends, creating wonderful memories he’ll cherish to his last days.

But there’s a murkiness underneath it that makes him uneasy. You can only see so far in the water until it becomes foreign to you. The blues and greens that surround you can quickly become black till it blinds you.

Makoto’s tried looking deeper, to see what’s out there. What’s in there. If only to quench his fear of the unknown.

There’s a saying that comes to his mind whenever he does try tho.

“If you gaze long into the abyss, the abyss also gazes into you.

He’d heard that saying from his father when he was younger, after a bad nightmare. It wasn’t only until recently he heard the full saying.

“Whomever fights monsters should see to it he does not become a monster in the process. And when you gaze into the abyss, the abyss also gazes into you.”

When he heard that, some things clicked into perspective for him.

While he’s afraid of water, he’s also afraid of himself. That unknown murkiness that lies underneath the blues isn’t just literal, but how he feels most days. Makoto can only keep himself afloat for so long, before he starts being pulled under.

If he looks hard enough as he drowns, Makoto might come to realize that the unknown he keeps looking into is actually himself.

_Can you become a monster when you’ve always been one?_

~(*)~

Haru doesn’t jump in immediately, opting to instead stare at the water fondly. Makoto notices and gently nudges him that it’s alright. He hesitates, peering at him from the corner of his eye. The brunette smiles, “I’ll wait for you here.”

He still doesn’t leave his side, silent and steady. Makoto nudges him again, “I want you to.”

That seems to do the trick, because after a moment of Haru waiting for him to be really sure, he takes off for the beach. Rin sees this and immediately chases after, shouting something about a race. Clothes fly in the air with Makoto reaching to grab them before they fly away-or worse- fly into the water.

Sousuke lingers by his side, snatching Rin’s shirt from the air. He follows Makoto to a spot where they can easily watch the two, but not get wet.

“You don’t want to join them?”

“Nah… My shoulder’s been aching.”

Makoto’s gaze sharpens on Sousuke’s shoulder, face filled with concern. He waves him off, “I’m taking it easy don’t worry. The last thing I wanna do is stop my swimming career before I start it.”

“Does Rin know?”

“Nah, he’s not that observant.”

“That’s mean.”

“It’s true.” Sousuke grins, Makoto returns it.

Rin and Haru are just specks in the distance right now, and he wonders how far they’ll go before coming back.

“They’re so far away.”

“Yeah.”

“….It’s not that different from how it normally is, is it?” Sousuke takes his time to reply, only a shake of his head. Makoto buries his feet in the sand like a small furnace around his toes.

“You think they ever realize how far away they are?” Sousuke asks next to him. Haru and Rin are so far away he has to squint, and he worries they might be too far now.

“No,” Makoto answers honestly, “Atleast, I don’t think so.”

Rin and Haru might recognize distance but they can’t gauge how far. They might know when they’re out of sync, or when they’re a few paces off from eachother. Even when they know that and stretch their hand out, a come home, come back, they don’t know that their hands are out of reach for the two of them.

Sousuke and Makoto could reach, stretch their arms as far as they could, but their fingers could only brush. That’s even if they’re lucky.

“Me neither. They’ll get mad at us if they ever find out we said this about them.”

He could see it in his head, the image vivid and clear. Hurt eyes staring back at him, underlying frustration. _Why would you think that Makoto? Why would you assume something like that? Haven’t we always been together? Haven’t we always been right next to eachother?_

_Yes. Yes, of course. That doesn’t mean we’re in the same space, Haru. Our fingers touch, our hands come together, but that doesn’t mean we’re looking the same way. You’ve always looked forward, and I’ve always looked at you._

Makoto tilts his head, resting it on his rest which rest on his knees. “You think there’s going to be a day where we can look at eachother?”

“I can hope…. I can dream.” The two are coming back now, their specks becoming larger and larger. Still so far away though.

“I want to tell Haru the truth. One day, when it won’t hurt me. Do you think that’s possible?”

“Do you?”

Makoto wonders about that. “I want to hope, and I want to dream I can. But saying it and actually making it happen are two different things.”

Sousuke laughs next to him, and he knows it isn’t directed at him. It’s that sort of self deprecating laugh that people have at their own expense. When they know their pain. Makoto understands this well.

“You know how when you’re having a bad day? People always say talk about it. Having it out there is better than keeping it inside. You’ll only get hurt if you bottle it up.”

Rin and Haru are closer now, he can make out their features from the distance.

“They have no idea what it’s like to know that if you say something that’s when the hurt happens. Sometimes silence is the only way to ensure a person’s happiness. Who are we to burst their bubble?”

This is the most he’s ever heard such loathing in Sousuke’s tone. He wonders what happened. No, he knows what happened. He just wonders why they put themselves through this. The words are there. The feelings are there. The people they need to tell are right there.

Makoto watches as they near the shore. He can hear Rin roaring for a win, trying to speed himself up.

“Talking about it doesn’t always make it better.” Sousuke stands, ready to greet Rin once they come onto the shore. Makoto follows suit, clothes ready. “Sometimes it make things worse.”

“They do say silence is golden,” Makoto muses, watches as Sousuke schools his features. Hiding those fears and insecurities back down inside him. It’s almost terrifying to watch how easy it is, and even worse how natural it looks.

He wonders if he looks just like that.

“I hope for us to make peace with this one day.” It’s Haru’s win. Rin is cursing, but laughing saying he’ll beat him next time. The two of them near and the smile on his face is no different than the ones he wears on every day.

“Me too.”

~(*)~

“You really should’ve swam with us.” Rin jeers, sneezing a moment later. Makoto shakes his head, “And catch a cold like you?”

“This isn’t a cold!”

“It will be,” Makoto hums continuing to thread the towel through Haru’s hair. Once the two had finished their swim, he refused to let the two walk around soaking wet like they were. They were going to get sick that way.

He pulls away, checking with his own hands if Haru’s hair is dry enough. Raven locks are soft under his touch and Makoto’s always amazed that no matter what happens Haru’s hair manages to stay silky and smooth.

“You know you spoil him too much, Makoto.”

That startles him, turning to stare at Rin wide eyed. The redhead has a thoughtful look on his face, the towel hanging off his neck.

“I mean, you’re always doing stuff for him. Keep that up and he won’t know how to do anything else.”

He knows Rin doesn’t mean anything by it, knows that to him it’s just a harmless observation. But that triggers something in him and it shakes him. He can’t even explain why because it’s not as if he’s doing anything wrong. He hasn’t done anything harmful in the slightest.

He and Haru have always been together and Makoto’s never minded taking care of Haru. Haru’s never minded being taken care of. Haru’s too independent to do simple things like this and if Makoto doesn’t do them, they both know that Haru would be in worse shape than he is.

But does that mean he should stop?

“Makoto can’t cook. I do that.”

“Okay yeah one thing! Cooking isn’t difficult!”

The banter goes over his head, the brunette clutching the towel tightly in his hands.

He should stop. Rin’s right. Spoiling Haru like this, it’s only going to cause problems later on. Tying Haru down, forcing Haru to depend on him. _What’s he doing?_

And if Rin-Haru’s soulmate-is the one who said it, who is he to argue? Soulmates know what’s best for eachother right? They aren’t just two pieces that just happen to go together. No. They’re pieces that connect seamlessly.

Makoto feels guilt pool in him. What is he doing hindering Haru like this?

Is he forcing Haru to be helpless? Is he doing that without realizing it?

“Don’t listen to him, Makoto.” Haru’s words cut through his head and he’s pulled back into the conversation, despite having no idea what’s really going on anymore. “It’s not like that, it’s never been like that, and it will never be like that.”

He’s not sure what’s going on, but Haru hasn’t broken off eye contact with Rin. Rin is frowning, looking like he knew he stepped on a landmine.

“I didn’t mean anything by it, Makoto.” He nods because he thinks that’s the right response. Rin didn’t do anything wrong, more than that he brought an issue to his attention that he never would’ve noticed. Makoto pulls a smile, letting Rin know it’s okay.

He feels almost thankful to Rin underneath all the sickness he’s feeling. Rin knows Haru in ways that he never could. The idea that maybe he needs to let Haru go-frightening as it is- is more prominent now.

It’s always been there. Lurking, but he’s never found a reason to try.

Thanks to Rin, he found one.

Still terrifying though. It’s not going to be big, maybe a subtle change, but it’ll be enough to shake their worlds. Sometimes the best results aren’t the easiest to achieve, and if there’s one thing Makoto’s always sure of, is that he wants the absolute best for Haru.

“I know Rin. You were just pointing out the obvious.”

~(*)~

Haru’s in a bad mood ever since Rin pointed it out, not that it shows, but he can tell. He sticks close to him hoping that he’ll cool down a bit. He’s never been the type to lash out, but Rin’s always provided surprises when it came to Haru.

Makoto bites the inside of his cheek wondering what to do. The most obvious answer would be to let Haru swim it out, but the ocean is too cold by this time of night and he knows better than to let him swim for hours on end in the middle of the ocean.

He feels a tug at the back of his shirt and he turns his head to see Rin behind him looking away. He blinks wondering what’s up, but all Rin does is keep a hold of his shirt and slowly the two lag behind Sousuke and Haru.

The two don’t notice, but that seems to be Rin’s motive since he perks up slightly. He gives a slight tilt of his head, not used to seeing such a demure expression on his face. He’s used to Rin who’s all fire, passion, with the intensity of the sun. Not the one infront of him, who looks as if he’d want nothing more than to have the ground swallow him up.

“I really am sorry, Makoto. I didn’t mean anything by it, I swear.” This is one of the rare moments in his life that he can count on his fingers where Rin looks deeply troubled, his face shrouded in regret.

“Rin,” Makoto starts gently in the same tone he uses with his siblings, “I’m not mad at you. You weren’t…. You weren’t saying anything wrong.” He shifts his weight from one foot to the other, wondering if he should be saying this. “I guess I do… coddle Haru too much-and should give him more independence.”

Rin’s staring at him, looking as unsure as he was before. Makoto trudges through, he’s said this much already. “But… I trust what you say, Rin. You have Haru’s happiness in your best interests, right?”

“Of course! He’s my friend, but it’s not-Makoto you’re my friend too. I care about you too.”

Makoto feels like he’s not getting something, something that should be blatantly obvious. Rin keeps looking at him like he’s not the one getting it. “I know you care about me? But we weren’t talking about me?”

Rin opens his mouth to say more, but Haru’s voice cuts through the air halting their conversation. “Makoto, Rin.”

He looks over his shoulder and sees Haru and Sousuke have stopped ways away, waiting for the two of them. Haru stares at him, watching him, reading him. Makoto turns back to Rin, wondering what he wants to do, but Rin’s expression closes off and shakes his head ever so slightly.

“We can talk about it later.”

Rin doesn’t move though and Makoto takes the cue, beginning to walk back to those waiting for them. Sousuke takes a few steps towards them, which Rin moves ahead of him to stick to his side. He tilts his head, and offers a smile to Haru when he reaches the boy.

Haru reaches out and Makoto reaches back, their hands linking back together. “Everything okay?” He gives the boy’s hand a little squeeze, a smile on his face. “Of course.”

Sparing a glance at Rin, Makoto hopes the two can pick up their conversation where they left off. There’s a nagging thought in the back of his head that he needs to hear Rin out or else it would just linger in the air.

“Everything’s okay, Haru,” He repeats the words giving the other a reproachful look. The other frowns and looks away, but he waits patiently for him to reply.

“He was talking bad about you.”

“Rin was just looking out for you, just like I do.”

Haru makes a noise in the back of his throat, sending him another look, but he doesn’t say anything more. His mood seems to have alleviated enough. He gives Haru a gentle nudge with his shoulder which has him receiving one in return.

“You’re important Makoto, don’t ever think otherwise.”

There’s something he wants to say, or rather he feels like he should say something. That’s there is something important that needs to be said here, or something that needs to be responded to. Makoto for the life of him can’t figure out what exactly that is. It makes him uncomfortable to know that he isn’t getting it, because Makoto of all people should be the first to.

The hairs on the back of his neck stand up as an uneasy feeling settles in his stomach again. Like it always does.

That feeling of constant swaying, like your feet are on moving land, rocking you back and forth is something he’s never gotten used to. As much as he wishes he did. Each day is different with a new uneasiness. Some days the swaying is worse than others, some times its a gentle rock that he can almost feel at peace with. But it’s something he’s learned to put up with or at the very least ignore.

Makoto curses himself for being so agitated, for being so easily disrupted. As much as others like to believe that he’s solid and steady, he isn’t like that at all. He’s as fragile as they come with the smallest of things throwing him off balance.

He feels unbelievably helpless at most times, and it takes forever for him to feel like he can regain his footing. These are feelings he’s had to deal with himself most of his life. These are feelings he’s come to understand as intrinsically as can be.

He feels like he’s lying to everyone most days, but most days he can ignore it because his needs and wants are secondary to others. His needs and wants aren’t special enough to call attention to-and if they are who could really solve them?

But it’s small moments like these where he gains a little courage, a small bit of nerve to want to open his mouth and ask for help. Because he knows, he knows, he knows that if he ever asked for help he would get it. There isn’t anyone he knows that would turn him away, that would not drop everything they had going on to help him.

The people around him care as much about him as he does about them. He’s eternally grateful, and eternally guilty for not taking those small seconds of courage.

Makoto opens his mouth, and deliriously for a split second he believes he’ll tell Haru to the truth of it all.

“And you’re important to me.”

It’s not what he wants to say. Not even close, but it’s still true. True to his very being. Haru is and always will be important to him. 

Should he feel as disappointed in himself as he does? Maybe. Should he have told Haru his feelings right then and there? Probably. Should he have confessed to Haru sooner to save the both of them-everyone-all this trouble? Yes, oh most definitely yes.

Will he be doing that any time soon? No, most likely not. 

Because Makoto is weak and fragile as they come. A martyr in every sense of the word. There’s no danger, there’s no chaos, there’s nothing he needs to save everyone from. But he wants to believe that there is so he has some way of justifying his feelings. 

~(*)~ 

The festival continues off without a hitch, and they have fun till they’re forced to go. He can admit that.

The four of them are at the train station waiting for their train to arrive. It’s the last one of the day that’ll take them back to Iwatobi, and they had to run a bit to get here in time. 

That was the first time Sousuke had ever seen him run, and he’s appalled by his speed. No more so than he’s appalled by Haru’s speed. 

“We don’t run often,” He laughs breathlessly. Haru doesn’t answer choosing ignore the pointed looks from the other ravenette and redhead. “I don’t think we’re that bad though.”

“You’re…. You could use some work.” Sousuke takes a moment to choose his words. He’s not the type to be hold himself back from saying what he feels but he never means to cause any harm to Makoto. He knows this, and Makoto smiles back cheerfully.

“I haven’t been gone that long and you’ve fallen back to your old speeds,” Rin laments shaking his head, “How are you going to beat me like this Haru?” 

“Running isn’t the same as swimming.”

“Oi! What’s that supposed to mean?”

The two start to bicker seeming sliding back into old behaviors. Makoto and Sousuke choose to sit back and watch, entertaining themselves that way until the train arrives.

“Oi! You better come and visit us again. Or I might just come to see you.” Rin promises with a toothy grin. Makoto returns it, promising to message him for another get together. Maybe Nagisa can join this time around. He’d love to see Rin again.

“It was fun.” Sousuke gives a nod, something even Haru agrees with, a small hum coming from.

It’s a little odd to have such silent people with him, in the sense that the two are very different.

Haru and his silence are very different from his and Sousuke’s silence. But both are comfortable and steady, something Makoto grows to appreciate.

“I’ll text you later, Sousuke,” His hand finds his phone in his pocket, and he silently promises to text Kisumi too.

“Looking forward to it.”

Rin stands there eyeing the two of them suspiciously, wanting to interject something. He doesn’t though, his smile giving away that he’s mostly happy that everyone got along and everything went well. The redhead gives a nudge to Sousuke, and Sousuke nudges back.

Haru and Makoto linger by the windows as the train begins to move. The two watching as the their friends become specks in the distance.

“Did you have fun Makoto?” 

“Un!”

The two lean against eachother as they bid their time, slightly impatient to head back home and rest. 

“I did. Did you?”

Fingers nudge against his, and he takes a moment to shift slightly, placing their entwined hands in his lap. Haru’s head rests comfortably on his shoulder.

“Yeah.”

The silence is comfortable in every way he knows how. This moment, although not rare, is one Makoto will never tire of.

In moments like these, he feels brave, solid, and sturdy. Things he never is, never will be, but can temporarily believe he can.

Haru’s as his side, happy, content. All Makoto ever wants him to be. He’s at his side too, the feelings returned. This is all Makoto ever wants, and he feels so lucky to experience them every single time. 

“Hey… Haru,” He speaks softly, just incase. Haru’s eyes are closed, and he’s not sure if he’s feigning sleep or if he actually is. “I had a lot of fun today… But I know you were worried about what Rin said.” 

He pauses there, wondering what else to say. But it’ll continue to nag him if he doesn’t try at all.

“You know as well as I do that he didn’t mean anything by it.” Rin can be short tempered, and can run his mouth off impulsively, but he would never intentionally hurt his friends. Rin is caring and lovable that way. His loyalty to his friends is insurmountable. “But you got upset anyways.”

Makoto has to be honest in ways that are foreign to him. He’s never liked lying, but he’d avoid saying certain truths if he could.

“I just want you to know that what Rin said… It didn’t bother me. He wasn’t, you know, being out of bounds.” Rin was just looking out for Haru, the same way he did. Maybe even more so because Rin’s always been one to think of the future while he’s always been one to consider the present. “Thank you though, Haru, for being upset on my behalf.”

Because that’s what Haru is like. As much as Makoto looks out for him, he sometimes forgets that Haru is returning every bit of effort. Makoto will take criticisms and insults with a smile, but Haru will be the one to step in and protect him from the unnecessary and scary things.

Haru will be the one to frown when Makoto can’t. Haru will get angry in situations where Makoto should be but isn’t. Haru is the one who will be brave when Makoto hides.

And the two just work seamlessly like that.

The other doesn’t say anything, not even a twitch of a muscle. He thinks nothing of it, and continues on.

“I’m sorry though, I’m like that sometimes. I know you wish I could be brave. I wish I could trust in myself, the way you do.” His voice becomes quieter, mostly talking to himself at that point. “Sometimes that’s hard to do, and scary enough, sometimes it’s difficult to believe the same in others.”

He lets out a soft sigh, his hold on their hands tightening for just a split second. His thumb grazes the top of Haru’s knuckles. “Can I always trust in others when I can’t even trust myself.” It’s not a question. Not even close, but it’s the truth. A truth he can muster for atleast that moment.

“Of course you can Makoto.”

The answer is startling, if only because he wasn’t really expecting one. Haru’s hold tightens and Makoto tilts his head to look down at him.

Deep blue eyes stare back, intense, and bright. His breath lodges in his throat for a split second. Haru doesn’t relent, “Of course you can. When you don’t believe in yourself, we believe in you. I believe in you.”

He blinks, once, twice, thrice, before shaking his head. A wry grin on his face, he almost wants to laugh. Almost. “You think so?”

“Do you ever doubt me, Makoto?”  
  
“Never.” _I just doubt myself._

“You can always trust in me, Makoto.” Haru continues, persistently, shaking their joint hands. “Always and forever.”

“I’d like that, Haru.” He mumbles, burying his face in dark locks. It’s true, so very true. Something he believes in his very core. He stays like that, taking a moment to collect himself.

Haru makes it sound so easy, so, so easy. Makoto wants to believe it, believe in it very more because it’s the truth and he knows it. But he can’t so easily, because he’s weak, and he needs to be reassured all the time that it’s true.

But for now, he believes it to be true. And it is the truth for this moment.

“Haru, I can’t do this without you.” He mumbles into his hair wishing with all his might he can just cling to Haru for the rest of his days, but knows better than to hope and wish for something like that.

“You never have to.”

~(*)~

_I hope you’re doing well today!_

The message isn’t as wellput or as thoughtful as he wants it to be, but it’s the most he can offer right now. Words still easily escape him, and he’s still not entirely sure what to say to the two of them, but he sends off the message to Kisumi and Sousuke before tucking in for the night.

He hopes the message doesn’t come off as cold or anything-he can’t help but worry a little, but knows well enough the two won’t and will reply when they get to it.

Haru’s in the middle of taking his bath and Makoto continues to let him soak a little longer before he ushers him out of the bath. No matter what if he continues to soak he’ll get sick.

The ring is practically nothing in his hands, weighing so little. The stone is pretty and keeps his attention as he turns the jewelry over in his hand. Makoto isn’t sure when to give this to Haru or if having a special moment really matters when it comes to the two of them.

He remembers Sousuke’s words of having a right time and wonders when he’ll be seeing Rin wear the bracelet he had bought. The redhead has a very unique fashion sense-though out of everyone he knows Rin is probably the trendiest-and is very keen about accessorizing.

Sousuke was right to buy a bracelet, especially one as simple as that. He thinks of the plethora of outfits he’s seen Rin wear and knows it’d fit in well with his ensemble.

Rings are different though.

They’re finicky in a sense that they carry more meaning than a bracelet and are certainly more eye-catching than them.

The ring he bought isn’t flashy in any sense of the word, but Haru rarely wears jewelry-if ever really- so one would immediately notice it. Not to mention if asked how would Makoto explain himself?

_I thought it would look beautiful on Haru._

It’s the honest truth, but somehow it makes his cheeks red and feel hot under his collar. As if it should be more than that. He shakes his head a little wondering why it’s so important he have a valid reason in the first place.

A friend can give other friend jewelry. Nothing is wrong with gifting someone.

“What’s wrong Makoto?”

He startles and swivels around to see Haru come out of his bathroom a towel on his head. Makoto blinks caught off guard, “I was about to come get you.”

“I wasn’t soaking for that long.” He turns away from him a pout on his lips. Makoto laughs reaching for the other so they can settle down together.

“Debatable.”

He lifts one hand to help Haru dry his hair, pausing mid way on setting the ring down. The other notices and raises a brow.

“Uhm.” He feels flustered, caught for some reason, but doesn’t feel the urge to back out. Rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand, he shyly looks away from Haru, “Well...”

“Makoto?”

“I got you something.” He straightens up a bit, reaching for Haru’s hand with one of his as he presents the ring to him with the other. “I saw it at the festival and I thought it’d look nice on you.”

He spares a moment to glance at Haru’s fingers which look thin enough for the ring to fit through them-thankfully. The ring stays in the palm of his hand, and Haru stares unabashedly at it-long enough to make Makoto squirm a little and momentarily question why he decided to go through with this.

But Haru takes the ring and slips it onto his hand. He visibly sags with relief seeing it slide so easily onto his finger, and smiles, cheeks red and all, at his best friend as he holds his hand up to the light.

The ring is nothing special, a simple band with a pretty stone, but true to his initial belief, it looks well on Haru. The ring fitting in with the wearer as if meant to be. There’s beauty about Haru that makes everyone stop and stare at some point.

Haru doesn’t present himself outwardly and would stray from attention and prying eyes at any chance possible, but once someone catches sight of him, they’re struck for a moment at how wonderful he is. With dark obsidian locks, deep azure eyes, a soft complexion paired with an aura of aloofness. How could one not be enraptured?

The ring is the same. Simple at first glance, but once it catches your attention it’s rather beautiful.

“It looks good on you-I’m so glad,” Makoto lets out a sigh, tilting his head a bit to get a closer look at Haru and the ring as the other brings his hand back down to him.

Whatever worries he had vanish in that moment, his chest feeling like someone filled it with honey.

Haru hasn’t say a word yet, but his eyes are bright and shining, practically illuminating the room.

“Mh,” Makoto reaches out taking the hand with the ring on it, “It fits now but it’ll probably be too small for you soon….” He trails off, thinking it’s such a shame. Haru would reach his growth spurt sooner or later and the ring would eventually be too small to be worn by him.

“It’s plastic too...”

“Then get me a real one when we’re older, Makoto.”

He blinks and looks up from the jeweled finger to Haru. The other spoke so suddenly that he’d been caught off guard by it. Still, Makoto heard his statement and blinks once more.

Haru wanted another ring when they’re older?

“Okay Haru,” Makoto says giving his hand a gently squeeze, “I promise.”

Haru’s eyes if possible shine even brighter, giving a pleased nod to Makoto. He turns away to continue getting ready for the night and Makoto’s filled with a special warm happiness at seeing Haru so happy.

The rest of the weekend is smooth sailing and the two enjoy themselves as they would. Whatever burden he carries, in those short moments of time is pushed to the back of his mind and forgotten. For that weekend he felt like an average teenager having fun with those most important to him. He dreads the end of it, but is happy for the small reprieve.

Though, he often catches Haru staring at the ring on his finger, sometimes fiddling with it when he wasn’t looking. Part of him was tempted to ask if he liked it, or tell him he didn’t have to wear it if it was bothersome. But there’s something in Haru’s expression that tells him otherwise and to just leave it be.

He vaguely wonders though when Haru got such an interest in jewelry but seeing him so happy and excited makes him think maybe he should’ve tried sooner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is late and by all means, do feel free to get mad at me.
> 
> I made a promise with myself that I would finish Spectrum-as it holds a very special place in my heart- and I will, no matter how long it takes me. I just feel awful for leaving you wonderful readers hanging for so long. As much as I wish and try to have the time and motivation to write this fic, sometimes life doesn't let you. That being said I'm never giving up on Spectrum and going to see it to the end. I really do hope you understand but thank you so much for being patient and waiting for updates. Especially the long time readers who've put up with the long waits and my sporadic updating schedule. I love and appreciate every kudos and review I get and it's what helps me trudge through the slumps in my life.
> 
> I wanted to end this chapter on a lighter note, since the past few have been so sad and the last one I ended it on a cliffhanger. You get to see some of Rin and Sousuke's relationship now and some new developments for Makoto. I figured we should give our sweetest Tachibana a little breather before diving back into the angst. I hope you all enjoyed it since some of the scenes in this chapter I've been wanting to write a long time. I was most excited to write Haru in this chapter since I can never get enough of him. Also is anyone else stoked for free! season 3??
> 
> Constructive criticism is always welcomed and please point out any grammatical or spelling errors! Thank you for reading and supporting, have a lovely day!


	8. Preview

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A small preview into Chapter 8. This chapter will be edited and republished once the chapter is completed. Thank you for your patience!

_I’m fine Makoto! Thanks for asking! :D we should take some classes together!_

He blinks owlishly at the text, confused for a split second before the meaning finally hits him. Oh. Those classes.

Classes which were designed to help soulmate pairs. Usually focusing on communication, transition to not being color blind, and other things that fell into that category. He and Sousuke had discussed taking classes for it, since the two had mostly been self study at this point. Classes weren’t mandatory but they were a good help to the public so it was encouraged to take them.

They were available at most hours of the day at all days of the week.

He’d never taken one being too nervous to walk into the class. He wasn’t too sure on all the details on how one went to take one. Did they just walk in? Was there a sign up sheet? Was it appointment based?

They were group classes, where one could take it in a larger group with strangers and then they were more pair based which someone would focus on the two of you for an allotted amount of time.

Those were the ones Sousuke and he were entertaining, feeling that maybe the more specialized attention would work in their favor. But the two had never gotten around to really doing anything about it, because why?

Although why not?

His fingers fiddled with the phone wondering how to reply or what to do. He was fine with taking classes, more or less, but the three of them couldn’t exactly walk in together. He didn’t want to leave Kisumi hanging but he also didn’t want to do this without Sousuke.

It’d be unfair to both of them if he didn’t do anything at all.

Quickly he sent off a text to Sousuke asking him what he wanted to do.

He considered for a very brief second asking Haru, since he and Rin had taken classes for a short while. Rin was the one who had insisted upon it arguing there was no harm to it. Makoto had been the one to encourage Haru to take the classes, believing in them and wanting the two of them to gain something beneficial from it.

Haru had never talked about the classes saying that he’d prefer to be swimming. That’s all there was to it.

None of his classmates talked about the classes much other than just general information that was already out there-but to be fair Makoto never really paid attention much to others outside of his small group.

Then there was the matter of figuring what times to go so no one would be the wiser. His family was aware he’d been going out more to hang out with Sousuke and Kisumi-although not necessarily those two specifically.

He’d met with Sousuke’s family a couple more times. His dad was funny and liked to joke around with him, while his mom was nice if not quiet. They were a nice balance.

The phone in his hands began to ring, Makoto answering the call a split second after.

“Do you want to take classes?”

“Well Kisumi wants to do it and you’ve been suggesting we give it a go...” He trailed off.

“It’s not going to hurt us to go, and they’re free too so it’s not going to cost us anything either.”

Classes were a public service from the government since they wanted the public to be well informed and have resources readily available to them since each pair transitioned differently. The only thing people were really giving up was their time and that was on their own terms.

“We can’t go to the same class though,” Makoto reasoned adjusting his grip on his phone as he grabbed his calendar from his desk, “Plus commuting...”

Makoto was adamant about taking classes outside of Iwatobi, due to his own insecurity of seeing people who he might know and in turn might know him. Sousuke suggested once taking classes in his town before he had vetoed the idea just as quickly, so the two were left looking at cities that were in reasonable distance of the two of them.

Three now.

“That’s fine with me. We both wanted the specialized appointments anyways. Listen, I know I’m not really being much of a help here, but I’m fine with what you want, Makoto. You and I tend to want the same thing anyways so it’s not as if you’re being a bother or anything.”

He pursed his lips wondering when Sousuke had gotten so good at reading him. Or maybe he was just that obvious?

“What do you hope for if we take these classes?” Sousuke’s voice went soft on the other side.

“Commitment,” He answered honestly, quietly, “Emotional stability.”

Meeting your soulmate was the easy part, it was everything that came after that was the struggle. Just because you met the person who was meant to fit you ‘perfectly’ didn’t mean that everything did. One had to start taking into consideration another person’s feelings and wants into things.

Sometimes things were overwhelming in the beginning too so one or both parties might have a harder time adjusting than the other. People were finicky like that-though he was one of them.

It was why the classes were there and why people were encouraged to take them. They provided services to help each pairs’ needs because each pair was so different.

But Makoto wanted those things outside of taking classes. He wanted to be able to share to the world who his soulmate was, what they were like.

He wasn’t ashamed of Sousuke, not in the slightest. But Makoto was ashamed of himself and at the very least he could admit that.

“It’s not Kisumi’s fault I’m hesitant,” Makoto is hesitant regardless, “But I feel awful because we’re going to such lengths for what I want and what I feel insecure about. I don’t want to say no, but even if I did I feel like I wouldn’t because it’s not fair to you or to him.”

He wasn’t even sure how Kisumi felt about the whole thing. Kisumi wanted this to work, wanted them to work and Makoto was willing to give up parts of himself for it. Because he was Kisumi’s soulmate and he couldn’t ignore that. He couldn’t do that to Kisumi.

Kisumi wasn’t expecting anything from him even though the world told him to expect everything from him.

But Makoto couldn’t handle the idea of sharing to the world who he was as a soulmate because by his own definition he wasn’t supposed to be a soulmate.

He can feel his chest restricting and leans against his desk for support.

“We just want you Makoto,” Sousuke answers on the other side of the line. “You, okay, happy, well. We both want you to be okay because we see you beating yourself up about it. Even when… we meet Rin and Nanase at the fair, you looked terrified.”

“I don’t want them to know,” His own voice chokes up because he doesn’t, he just doesn’t, and it hurts him to hide it from his friends. He just can’t bring himself to be honest. “They’d look at us differently if they knew Sousuke.”

That was the truth.

“I know.” Sousuke sounds faraway even though his voice is right next to his ear. “I can imagine it now, Rin yelling and saying we should’ve told him and that he would’ve helped us out anyway.” His voice changes slightly in a bad impersonation of the redhead, _“Fuck the soulmate system, you guys aren’t broken, you guys wouldn’t have needed to handle this by yourselves.”_

It’s Rin and he laughs though it hurts.

Rin who wants to take on the world. Rin who is ready to fight away all the problems because he is the type of person to go down fists and teeth blazing. Rin who cares so much for his friends that he can only go to 100 whenever something happens to them.

_“I could’ve helped, I could’ve done something,”_ Sousuke laughs and it’s a pleasant sound and it warms Makoto’s heart to know Rin is the one who caused it.

Rin melts Sousuke in ways Makoto never could, though he doubts he would ever try.

He sees Haru in his mind next. A frown on his lips, his eyes steeled, looking every bit of the protector role he plays between the two of them. Hurt and angry but not at him, at the world.

_“You’re not broken Makoto. How could you think that?”_

Then Haru stepping close and looking him dead in the eyes with as much emotion he can muster. Deep and enticing, he imagines oceans and oceans of care.

_“You’re not broken Makoto. Even if the world lets you down, I won’t.”_

Haru feels things so intensely, even if others don’t recognize that, Makoto does. Haruka is very emotional and loves things very dearly and he is lucky to be one of those things Haru holds dear.

He also takes his role as Makoto’s protector very seriously.

“They’d blame themselves,” He runs a hand over his face, smile still there. Though pained. “Then try to find ways to let us know we have their support and that they don’t care we didn’t see things like the world tells us to.”

“They’ll say it wouldn’t have mattered to them because they care about us regardless if we see color or not. They’ll say they should’ve done more to see we were hurting. Should’ve been more observant.”

“Should’ve tried to help out more. Suggest they would’ve done everything in their power to make sure things went smoothly.”

“Should haves, would haves, could nots,” Sousuke finishes because is is the truth.

And the truth is Makoto and Sousuke didn’t want them to know, so they ensured they couldn’t. They covet this secret, protect it fiercely, because it is theirs. Has been for years, will be for years to come.

It is a truth and reality they both have come to expect and even if they know Rin and Haru would’ve done everything in their power to help, to understand, to comfort, and suuport.

It changes nothing because at the end of it all, Sousuke and Makoto are the only ones who really understand how it feels to be in their position. And as harmful and hurtful as it is to not share, to continue hiding.

This little secret is a comfort. It is solid; an odd friend and companion they have had years to get used to. Everything around them could be a lie, is a lie, but this. This is their truth, their reality, and they will keep it so. Selfish as it is and they know it is.

“I’ll look into the classes around us, you can figure out times which work best for all three of us.”

“Sounds good.” Makoto leans back in his chair, staring at his calendar as Sousuke hangs up. A moment passes before he sends Kisumi a text that reads _‘when are you available?’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a small little sneak peak into Chapter 8. Things are progressing well with the chapter and amongst our fav swimmers. Thank you all for your patience and I hope this little teaser is enough to satisfy you guys until the chapter is finished. Have a wonderful day!

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfiction after six years I think, so my skills are a little rusty but I'm hoping this is better than what I've written before. Constructive criticism is really appreciated! I'd love to get back into the writing zone, so feedback would be great. 
> 
> I only have a general idea of how I want this story to go, if anyone wants to talk free! or shoot some ideas with me, my tumblr is lazymatsu. Not sure how to do coding yet on AO3. But thank you for reading!


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